This weekend marks the end of Fiance’s RE class and my first full week of being treated (rather succesfully so far, I might ad) for what ails me. I mention this because once we pulled up stakes on the wedding-that-got-away and opted for a much smaller (and more in line with our originally planned) wedding, we agreed that we would get through her class, get me healthy, and then start re-planning.
She’s all but done, and I’m well on the road to recovery…so we are about to jump right back in to the fray. But this time it’s all going to be a much smaller scale and far less stressful. We’re thinking of doing it here with our immediate familes (Sorry aunt ummm…errr…what’s your aunts name again) and the wedding party. That’s it…we’re talking like 20 people, 30 tops.
This is the wedding I want. I’d like to be able to see everyone that comes and have time with them…and this place solves that problem. It’s a B&B that we’d rent out for the weekend, so we can see everyone and, oh yeah, get married.
Gone are the ridiculous catering ideas…the estate rental…the horse drawn carriage (swear to God)…the parking attendant issue…
But the open bar…that’s staying.
So that’s the plan…I’ll keep ya posted.
Now if I can just figure out how to get everyone (including the Red Sox fans in attendance) to wear a Yankees hat for the pictures…
When you decide that you are going to change your entire life it SEEMS like you shouldn’t shocked that you are constantly learning new things. Me? I’m shocked. Stunned even. It seems like every day I learn something new about either the wedding (or weddings in general) or about myself. In no particular order, here’s what I’ve figured out of late. (Some of these I feel like an idiot for not kinda getting when I was…oh…25.)
1) I’m not missing anything.
When I chose to start being responsible and not going out every night, I thought that I would be tearing my hair out with boredom. Top that off with the fact that I didn’t know how Fiance and I would do just kinda hangin’ out and not drinking/partying all the time. And, think of how much FUN I could be having!! Shots! Flirting! Whoopin’ it up til late night with the boys!
What bullshit. You know what you’re missing? Nothing, really. It’ll be the exact same thing as last week and the exact same thing as this weekend. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s MORE fun occasionally. On Weekends. Maybe a HH every other week. When it’s part of your every day routine it’s exhausting and expensive…not to mention it takes away from your ability do other things…like your job.
You know what’s fun on say, Tuesday night? Making dinner with someone you love (or even just really like, I’m sure) and watching Netflix.
2) Saving money is like, totally easy.
When we got back together, we decided that it was time to grow up a bit. Part of that was putting money aside for a house and just for our security in general. This has NEVER been something that I am particularly good at. When I was younger and I worked in a marina on Cape Cod repairing boats, I made probably $25-$30K. How much did I spend? $25-$30K. When I went back to Boston and made $50K, I spent $50K. When I went to the start up and made $70K, I spent $70K. You get the idea. No matter what I’ve made, that’s been my budget. Now? Not the case. Now I/we save about $2000/month, and that’s still allowing us to go out and do the things that we want to do when we want to do them. It also allows for things like new guitars, the soon to be purchased new bed, trips to wine country VA, and, oh yeah…the wedding. Fiance and I have 2 investment accounts that we put our money in diligently, and we don’t miss our old life style at all.
What have I learned?
That how much money I make and/or spend has absolutely NOTHING to do with how happy I am.
What else have I learned?
That smoking, drinking, and partying is way, way, WAY more expensive than you ever thought.
3) Put the word “WEDDING” in the title, double the price.
OK, say you and your friend want to have a party. A big party. You want to go out and buy some really nice outfits to wear at this party and have it catered with an open bar and have all of your friends just have an absolute blast at this pah-tay. You call a caterer, a DJ (cuz you gotta bust out the Prince and dance, yo) and a clothing store and you get everything together and ready. You can do this, easily, for $50/person, plus the cost of your clothes which will be what? A few grand max if you’re getting decked out.
Now, go back and call those same service providers and quote the same thing, but say it’s a wedding…and watch what happens to those prices. Now, you’re coming up on $100/person easy.
Because they know that you are scared out of your mind that something will go wrong and they cash in on it. They know you want perfection. They just know. Those shoes she’s looking at…the $125 “dress shoes”? Call ‘em Wedding Shoes and BANG…$200+. Why? They are WEDDING SHOES now. The fish, chicken, and beef plates (plus vegetarian option for the hippy friends you’ve got) that were going to cost you $50/person with all the fixins you could ever want and will be perfect? Yeah, not so much…$100/person…it’s wedding nosh now.
This is just the way that it works.
4) Your friends will have a hard time adjusting.
This one, well…yeah. What can I say? Suddenly you are an anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore. And you know what? I can work with that. I’ve been on both sides of this, and I can totally see it now. And, because I’ve been both the guy who, after a few drinks, says “why don’t we see you anymore…what the fuck, man? Don’t you like us anymore?” AND the guy who has to listen to it, I can clearly say this;
When I was saying it, I was wrong and really, I just felt left behind. I felt like “there’s no way this is what he really wants…it’s got to be HER!!! He would never, EVER leave me behind…abandon me and partying like this?!”
That’s exactly what he did. And it’s not that you’re not his boy anymore. It’s not that he didn’t have great times with you and the guys, and it’s damn sure not that he didn’t like running with the pack. It’s just that he’s made a choice…he CHOSE to have his life go in a different way that more than likely you will choose to at some point, too, and then smack yourself in the forehead with your best Homer Simpson “D’OH!”.
Like I said, some of these I should have known awhile back. But better late than never, right?
Having said all of that; I’ll see you on Friday night where the anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore will once again put you under the table with shots of Patron, carry you to the cab, and send you home. Because even when you’re being a pain in the ass, you’re still my boys.
Tonight, however, I’m staying in and making dinner with Fiance, watching Netflix, and going over the new wedding plan…because that’s what I want to do.
As of 1:04pm today, the wedding we were planning is officially off. We have decided on a MUCH smaller wedding, and have gotten all of our deposits back…how, I have NO idea. But we got every dime back.
We had been debating this for a while, and talking about how everything that we said we wanted seemed to be fading away, and that everything we said we wanted no part of seemed to be making its way into our wedding. As of today, that is NO MORE!
Originally, we wanted a small wedding in Maine. My family, her family, and some friends. We’re talking like 20 people. Somehow that became 50 people in Virginia wine country. Then 60-70 people in Virginia wine country. Then, we’ll send out 100 invitations and hope that maybe 80 are coming. It was going to be maybe $8000…then $10,000…then $15,000…
In the words of Roberto Duran; NO FUCKING MAS!!!
We are now getting married in Maine, with 20 people.
Moral; don’t let your wedding get away from you, folks. You know what you want, so stick to it. Ferociously. In the blink of an eye it can turn in to something only Meadow Soprano would love. You want to be in Maine for the foliage with your closest friends and family? Do it.
My fiance and I go back and forth with this debate all the time. Elope v. Wedding. It’s maddening, but it brings to light a interesting question;
Why the hell are we having this party anyway?
The simple truth of the matter is that we are more focused on the marriage than the wedding. The wedding, we are starting to realize, is more for the people that come than it is for us…and really, if we’re going to drop thousands of dollars on this why don’t we just buy a car instead and send them all pictures of us in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator marrying us? (OK, that’s more me than her)
Case in point; we’ve decided that we’re having a small wedding. Now, do not get the idea that small wedding means a few hundred dollars…I’m talkin’ to you Mr. “Thinking about it”, b/c your girl already knows this. Small wedding, for us, means $15,000. That’s renting a place out in VA, catered dinner, open bar, service the whole shebang. (Small wedding for the Style Network, I’ve learned, is like $30,000…and they can go fuck themselves for pumping this shit out to our fiances. I mean really…there’s NOTHING small about $30,000)
We first get whacked with the rental fee for the estate…it’s not bad, but it’s still a good nut. Then comes the caterer proposal. $4000. At that point, it comes out…”Why don’t we just elope!?”
The answer is, really…because we want to do this in front of our friends and families and share the moment with them. And that’s not her, that’s us. Me included. For real. Ironically, her parents think we should elope. God I love them. It’s far more practical, and we’ll see them at Christmas anyhow. Everyone should hope for in-laws like these.
But I am thinking of just pouring Patron shots, chilling Yuengleng, and calling Yen Ching Palace for a Pu Pu Platter for 50 or so.