I Now Pronounce You

…but I wind up going to Maine instead.

Tomorrow I leave for my yearly trip to Maine to see my family. You’d think that at some point this would become something of a norm for me…that the prospect of seeing Kid Brother, Super Sistah, and their three apple of my eye kids, my nieces (Who I’m not feeling clever enough to give nicknames to just now) would become …ya know…ho hum.

And you would be wrong.

I’m downright giddy about going, as I always am. I cannot wait to get there! And this year, not only is GF going (who i do have to find a new nick name for) but so is her 4 year old daughter. Her daughter is about the same age as my middle niece, so this trip is going to be all about the kids…family…small town 4th of July complete with a parade, hot dogs, swimming, chasing the dog, and allll that other stuff that I am enjoying more and more as I get older.

I guess that would be the other piece of my life that has changed; GF’s daughter. I’ve spent all kinds of time with the little cutie, and it’s definitely had an effect. When you’ve got a 4 year old in the house, the entire energy changes. When she’s here, it’s like you become an uber adult…but with a side of inner child. I’ll give you an example;

She likes to play the “I’m Really Fast” game. This usually starts with the announcement that, “I’m really fast”. She’ll then run right at me, hoping somehow to veer off at the last second and sail right by me in a blaze of 4 year old speed…

This of course, gets me to respond “No you’re not! I’M really fast…” which sends her running in a fit of giggles right at me, which ends with me grabbing her and turning her upside down and both of us laughing…

However, while all of that is going on…I’m also thinking, “Oh GOD please don’t fall in to the coffee table, because it’s actually rather solid and if you crash in to it we’re going to have to go to the emergency room I just know it and you’ll be crying and screaming and I’ll be hyperventilating and thinking that I’m a terrible person who’s never going to be capable of being a good dad which I’ve kind of sort of always known and you will prove to me in one fell swoop of a game of “I’m Really Fast” gone horribly, tragically awry.”

Phew.

See…child like bliss with grown up panic attacks.

At any rate, this trip will be 10 days of family, ages 1 to 80-something. And I’m going to cram in as many hugs, smiles, sea food, and games of “I’m Really Fast” as possible…cuz I won’t be back until Christmas. Then again, maybe I’ll spend Christmas in London this year!

Who am I kidding…

Hey, where the hell have you been!? I kid…It’s been awhile, I know. No no, I wasn’t incarcerated, in rehab, or abducted by one of my raging psychotic ex’s. There were no aliens, no excursions to South East Asia to hide out, and certainly no lengthy court battles. It was nothing like that. But, it was no less significant.

As I’d been documenting over the last year, things have been….well…pretty all over the place. From “I’m getting married!” to “I think I’m dying” to “What am I supposed to do now?!” to “Screw it let’s do shots”…then the “NGF to GF files” and…hey, what am I telling you this for? You read it, you know.

Somewhere in the last several months, I had this annoying little voice start whispering to me. I couldn’t really understand what it was driving at…couldn’t really make out its point. But it had something say, and it would not be denied. So, I did what I thought was the right thing to do and ignored it completely.

That didn’t work all that well.

Then I found myself thinking about all kinds of things. Totally random things. My not so great recent history. My good times. My bad times. My total disconnect with one side of my family and my overwhelming connection to the other. My GF. My ex’s. Basically…my life. But not in that “one aspect under a microscope” or the overwhelming “all at once without seeing anything” way. I mean, I was thinking about my whole life and how I got here. And what I want. And what I don’t want.

It was then that I heard what my little voice was saying;

“It’s time to move on. There’s more than this. It’s time”.

I don’t think that I wanted to hear it at first. But I started to realize, after a good amount of time spent mulling over all of the aforementioned crap that, by God, it’s true. There abso-friggin’-lutely has to be more than this. I mean, this has been fun, and therapeutic. And cathartic. This life I’ve been living? It’s worked for me for years. But suddenly? It’s not working anymore. I’m tired. I don’t feel fulfilled or fully utilized. And deep inside, I knew it. It’s just that the “deep inside” part of me knew it well in advance of the rest of me.

So what’s an old INPY that wants to learn new tricks to do?

Glad you asked. Here then, are INPY’s 4 Steps to Changing Your Life. Maybe these aren’t for you, and that’s cool. That’s why it’s not called the (INSERT YOUR NAME HERE)’s 4 Steps…they’re MY Steps. And since everyone always has either 3, 5, 7, 10, or 12…I decided to distill mine down to 4.

Here ya’ go.

1) Throw Away Your Crutches -or- Clear Your Head.

I cannot stress enough how important this one is…it’s #1 for a very good reason. For me to change, I had to really change, baby. I knew that I couldn’t really get on with it and turn my life in to the something new if I had the same old lifestyle. I also realized that every drink, smoke, or what have you that I put in to my body had a significant effect on my headspace and how I see the world…and consequently, how I make decisions.

Now, don’t confuse this with me being some sort of alcoholic or addict. I’m not, never have been, never will be. But you don’t have to have a problem with something for something to be a problem…or at least, detrimental. And that’s what I realized. Time to start fresh.

To that end, I haven’t had a cigarette since December. I haven’t had a drink in 2 months. I’ve had pretty much nothing but water/sparkling water/club soda and green tea in that time. The first week was no big deal. The second was nice. Even still though, I felt kinda like…well, how long will this last?

By the time that I got to a month, I started feeling completely, totally different. By 2 months? I couldn’t really fathom why I’d have another drink or smoke. Ever. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ever drink or smoke. But try giving it a rest for a bit. Take 30 days and stay clean. Don’t drink. Leave your bong in your Super Secret Bong Hiding Place. Lay off the smokes.

Seriously, give it a whirl. You can always go back.

Oh, but for me? It wasn’t just 2 months of clean livin’ by not having any pollutants in my body. There’s more.

2) Get Thee to a GYM

About the time that I realized that I needed to do #1, I took a good look in the mirror. And I couldn’t really believe what was looking back at me. When the hell did I get so…fat?! I mean, look people, you can lie to yourself all day long, but the mirror? That isn’t going to fib for you. So, I made decision #2 and marched down to my local gym, Willpower. I met Will, the owner. (Get it…”Will Power”?! GENIUS!) And I said to him, “Just tell me what to do, and I’m going to do it.”

Here’s what he told me, and here’s what I do.

1. Hire our trainer, see him twice/week.
2. Commit to getting in here.
3. Change your diet.
4. Get plenty of sleep.

For the last two months, I have been in Willpower for an hour of cardio and exercise 5-6 times/week. I see my trainer, Kenny, at 8:00 PM Mondays and Wednesdays. I am in the gym at least 3 other times/week as well, usually at 5:30 AM.

I eat 5 small meals/day. I don’t eat things like white bread or white rice, let alone burgers or subs. I drink water like a fiend, never touch soda. I have a freezer full of skinless chicken breast and turkey in every form you can fathom. And I consume more fruit than anyone I have ever known.

In those two months, I have seen the following changes;

-I’ve dropped more than a full suit size, my pants don’t fit, and even my shirts look big.
-My energy level? Skyrocketed.
-My mind feels exponentially more focused.
-Effectively, everything is easier.

Not bad, huh?

3) Take Stock of What you Have

Most of us don’t really ever look around and say “wow, I’ve got some great stuff goin’ on”. We usually bemoan the fact that we don’t have something we want. (This is, I believe, the soft underbelly of the American Way.) Unfortunately, and almost by default, this means that we take a whole lot for granted.

Somehow when you’re in your groove, be it good, bad, or indifferent, it’s easy to do this. To overlook, or outright ignore, some very positive things. Or maybe not overlook and ignore, but certainly to undervalue.

Don’t do that. Look around. Be thankful.

I’ve got a GF that I love, friends that I am lucky to have, and family that I am so close to that I smile at the thought of them. I love my job, live in a great city, and am still young enough to have everything else that want with plenty of time to spare.

That ain’t doin’ bad, folks.

4) Take Stock of What you WANT-or- Set Some Goals

I don’t mean the “Soft Underbelly of the American Way” I-want-a-Porsche list. I mean, look at your life and figure out what you want for it. Then, do something about it.

I’ll give you one of the things that made this list for me; I have always been embarrassed by this and have wanted to change it…but somehow never got around to changing in my, how should I say it…in my fun livin’ years. See, I never finished my degree. It just never seemed that important to me when I was fresh out of high school and in the first few years of college, and when I dropped out and got out in to the work force…well, I did pretty well for myself without it. But deep inside me? That bugged me.

Last week I enrolled in a program to get my BBA finished and then roll in to an MBA program. I start in October. It’s going to take a few years…but it’s a goal I’m attacking with everything I have. And these days, that’s more than I’ve had in a long time.

That’s it. Maybe your read that and thought, “Ummm…DUH!”. And if so…well, the hell with you. Write your own list. But really, this is what’s been working for me. It feels like a new chapter, moreso than anything else that has happened to me or that I’ve done. I really do feel as though a page has turned and I’m off on a new phase. And it feels really, really good.

Oh, and don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t drink, or that if you’re not working out or doing anything else here that you’re somehow not getting it. In fact, as any of you who know me will attest; I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone does with their life. If you’re happy? Go on with your bad self.

This is where I’m at, and it’s quite the new chapter. Granted, these guys keep calling me and begging me to go back to the old ways. Apparently it’s sent shock waves through their stock values.

Sorry lads. You’ll just have to find yourself a new spokesman.

I am now close to finished packing. There are boxes, bags, and furniture all looking at me with that, “so, we’re going in the truck soon, aren’t we?” expression. They’ve been through this drill before. They know what’s coming.

So Friday is D-Day. I pick up the truck and load all this crap in and then, come Saturday, drive across town and unload it. The good news here is that I’m not a pack rat and I don’t buy lots of furniture…so it’s going to be a pretty easy move. From a 1 br apartment to a 3 br house is totally the way to go. Of course, the place will look empty for a bit but the stuff I buy to fill it up?

Delivery, baby.

So, I’m getting ready to say good bye to this odd little cave that I’ve called home for a year. The one that I moved in to a year ago…because I was bailing out of my place with exFiance. And what did I to to celebrate my move?

I took Arjewtino to Opening Day.

What am I doing this year to celebrate my move?

I’m taking Arjewtino to opening day.

Huh. I’m starting to sense a trend here.

What a year. From then to now seems like a life time…and even still I haven’t gone back and actually read the entire thing again to, you kow, relive it. I don’t know that I need to do that, really. I mean, I’ve got the t-shirt and the DVD.

At any rate, I pack the truck Friday, move it Saturday, then go to Opening Day Sunday…and of course, then the cable comes sometime between Monday and June, and he’s hooking me up with HD and the baseball package.

That’s right, the baseball package. Every team, every game, in glorious HD.

Anyone wanna come to the housewarming?

I’ve said it before. Twice, in fact. Sometimes things just…well they just kinda click in this lock step sort of Universe-winkin’-at-ya way. Like it’s saying, “Good move, kid”.

There was a bit of teeth gnashing over the past few weeks between NGF and I. Some territorial growlings and “don’t put your fucking shit there OR ELSE” barking. More than there should be, and it was a frustrating set of corners to find ourselves against, paintbrushes in hands.

Then there was a scare…NGF in the same hospital that I’d been in, just a year before. It was damn near an anniversary, and when I went to visit her, with the echo of our yelling still fresh in my head, I found myself scared, confused, and ultimately, shocked at just how reactionary I’d been. How much I’d decided to blame her for things that weren’t really her fault, or at least weren’t malicious, and how I’d known she was doing it to me, too…and how somehow, I’d blown right past all of that and found my car parked on “Fuck You Boulevard” …

And yet there I was, waking up behind the wheel and saying “what the fuck was I thinking”.

Maybe I needed to see her frailty. Maybe I just needed something to force me to get over myself for a minute. Either way, NGF admitted to the hospital because she was too sick to come home and having to stay there for 3 nights, 2 days?

That did it.

Since then, we’ve been talking. More important than that, kids…far more important than that; we’ve been listening.

Bad timelines. Unfair and unexplained expectations. Fear of abandonment. Standing RIGHT next to the door with your fingers squeezing the handle so tight that your knuckles start to cramp. Holding back and visibly hiding scars. Biting tongues and diverting attention. Deflecting.

These things kill. From the inside out.

But you can, with one deep breath and one open declaration shine a light that sends it scurrying. But man, you gotta be brave, and you’ve gotta want it. You’ve got to let go of all the unfair and dispatch the unspoken.

You also have to say, openly and with every intention of following through, I’d rather not do this than do it wrong. But you don’t say it like an ultimatum. The difference between the ultimatum, which has the implied next line of “So let’s call it a day and head to different corners”, and this is that here the next line is;

So let’s do it right.

Since then, there’s a page that has been turned. We’ve actually started to fire like cylinders in the same motor. Since then we’ve been a whole lot more real, and consequently, we’ve been a whole lot more in touch…and trusting.

And I dig living this way.

So enjoy my newest musical obsession. Which I found on an XM Radio randomly playing that I’d been ignoring all day, until I started thinking that she’s not NGF anymore.

She’s just GF.

OK, so I lied. I told you that I’d write more and ummm…yeah yeah, I’m a bad blogger. So bad in fact that I was recently threatened with a petition if I don’t post something…anything…

I don’t know if it’s that I have less to say, as well, have you met me? My mouth is rarely without comment. The time crunch? Well, that’s a huge part of it. It’s also that I started this blog for a specific reason, then it shifted, and now it’s all kind of sort of…well…dissipated. At any rate, I haven’t been putting (digital) pen to (digital) paper much of late for a number of reasons. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t had things to say. Lord knows I’ve got things to say, and today we’re going to get back on track.

So sit back and enjoy. After all, you never know when I’ll get around to posting again.

Now then;

There’s this odd phenomena that I’ve noticed in the dating world. I’ve seen it in myself and in women that I’ve dated, but until recently I’ve never really had that “A-HA!!!” moment. Now however, I see…oh do I see….

What is it?

Post Traumatic Relationship Personality Transformation.

PTRPT, kids. It’s no joke, and you or someone you love might well be suffering from it. What is PTRPT? Allow me to explain.

First, you have to start with the assumption (or in most cases, fact) that dating is a game of patterns. That we more often than not wind up dating people that are familiar for a variety of reason and find ourselves repeating the same sorts of situations over and over again. Where PTRPT fits in to this, however, is with one very subtle shift in that logic.

It’s not always the same type of person that we wind up dating, but it IS the same type of situation. That’s where PTRPT comes in.

Let’s say that “Bill” has always dated the clingy, needy type. He does this for a number of reasons. Maybe Bill craves the responsibility of taking care of someone. Maybe he likes weak women. Maybe a million things. Not so long ago, our boy Bill was dating “Karen”, and Karen was a classic case of what he knows and, as per usual it didn’t work out. But something about the chronicles of Karen was different. Maybe it was her, maybe it was timing. But for whatever reason, something about his failed relationship caused a seismic shift deep down in the tectonic plates of Bill’s world…

And now, X amount of time later, Bill is dating “Sue”, and in the middle of a fight he hears something that he can’t get his mind around. Something that can’t be true because it’s just so friggin’ absurd.

“Jesus Bill, you are just so fucking needy!!!”

Say what? Woman, have you lost your ever lovin’ mind? I’m BILL, BIATCH! I am NOT needy! I’m…I’m…oh shit.

How the hell did that happen? Better yet; what just happened?!

What happened is that you’ve just been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Relationship Personality Transformation.

I have seen this first hand, folks. Chances are, so have you. For whatever reason, a huge chunk of some aspect of your ex (or maybe an ex froma few rounds ago) has infected your Chi like a case of VD. It didn’t have any symptoms that you were actually aware of…it’s not something you chose…but there it is. You’ve swapped roles with someone that you couldn’t stay with and become that person…andyou didn’t even realize it…

And why exactly didn’t you relaize it? Because it all felt so damned familiar. The tension, the dynamics, the expressions? All the same. Only the roles have changed completely. Now you’re the needy one…or the angry one…or the cheating one…or whatever it was that you bailed on.

OR

Whatever it was that bailed on you. It’s not all a one way street here. Have someone leave you because you’re clingy/angry/whatever, and you might find yourself in a relationship with someone that fills your part exactly. In essence, you find yourself dating…yourself. How’s that for irony? Suddenly you find yourself saying the same lines that not so very long ago were directed at you.

Again, it’s all so familiar that you won’t catch this until it’s too late. In fact, if it’s PTRPT that you’ve got, by definition, you’re not going to realize it until after the fact.

Me? I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve caught myself realizing that “Holy Mary Mother of God, I’ve become HER”. Conversely, I’ve also sat there with my S.O. and listened to her talk about all the reasons she couldn’t stand her ex and thought “Hang on there..that’s YOU”.

So what exactly does that mean?

Well, the easy answer is that you’re a fucking mess.

I kid you.

Really, the honest answer is that you’re probably (1) not completely over your last relationship and, more importantly (2) in serious need of some self examination. Whatever has you repeating these patterns of dating the same person over and over again has now kicked it up a level and smacked you with PTRPT. It means you’re not getting something, and Someone somewhere is trying to tell you what that is.

Now, more importantly, how do you treat this phenomena?

Ahhh well, therein lies the rub, kids. Therein lies the God damned rub. See, it’s really so very simple that it’s almost absurd. It goes like this; what do you say to an alcoholic who wants to get well?

Stop drinking.

Sounds ridiculous, right? It ain’t. More often than not every other answer is some sort of BS way to prolong the issue and not really do anything. You have to STOP DRINKING.

Well, in this case, you have to STOP DATING. I know, I know, that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the answer. What you want to hear is that there’s a pill or a class or something that will allow you to keep dating while working and blah blah blah.

That’s all BS to keep you tied to the drama that you love so much you’re getting creative with ways to experience it. Get out of the cycle, step away from the drama, and just be. Figure out who and what you are and what you want. Be a good Buddhist and just BE. In that stillness, of course, you’ll probably freak out a bit. You know what that is, right? That’s withdrawl and you need to fight through that shit. In the stillness that follows, you’ll start to see why exactly it is that you need the drama so much in the first place. You’ll start to see what you miss more clearly, and if you really dig a little in that space, you’ll see why.

And you’ll see why it sucks and why it’s so damned detrimental to you in the first place.

OR, you can just go date another clingy fucker while you shell out $150/hour for a half way decent shrink who will listen to you whine. Just remember that when you find yourself in that position that our boy Bill was in, saying “What the hell just happened”?

It’s got a name, and you learned it here first.

From time to time I like to share what I’m listening to…and since I’m gearing up (literally and figuratively) to start playing and writing again, I went out and found me some new, shiny, badass band to inspire me.

Now, some of you may have heard of Porcupine Tree but I’m going to guess that most of you haven’t. They are the not-so-new darlings of the Prog Rock (Think Yes, Tool, Floyd, etc) scene. They’ve actually been around for quite awhile, but now you can’t pick up a (foreign) guitar mag without finding them all over it.

I dig it. I dig it alot.

Enjoy.

Fear of a Blank Planet

Lazarus

Don’t say I never gave ya nothin’.

My first Guest Post comes to you today, courtesy of Jess from What the Curtains. I love, love LOVE the way Jess writes, and here’s a good example of why…

When Mystery is More Important Than Knowledge

A few Fridays back, I watched the play Argonautika at the Shakespeare Theater. It’s a re-telling of the myth of Jason, his Argonauts and the Golden Fleece. The story is a hero’s journey set in motion because of a goddess’ rage. Hera, Zeus’ wife, doesn’t much like that King Pelius honors all the other gods but her. Pelius happens to be the uncle usurping what should rightly be Jason’s throne. So after a test of Jason’s heroic qualities (if the guy is willing to carry an old lady – Hera in disguise – across a river in a raging storm, he must be mythic material), Hera chooses him to unravel Pelius. She nudges Jason to travel to Pelius’ palace to claim his throne. The king, no fool, sends him to find the much-guarded Golden Fleece to prove his royal worth. Jason knows it’s an impossible mission designed to defeat him. But the possibility of success gives him visions of immortality.

The story echoes other ancient ones. Secondary heroes like Hercules join Jason. The Argo ship (built by Athena) wanders ashore on strange lands. Enemies are made and vanquished. Women are tempting and distracting. Men are lost along the way. When Jason finally lands in Colchis, where the Fleece is hidden, he needs the gods to help him steal it. So Athena and Hera convince Aphrodite to send her son, Eros, to shoot love’s arrow through Medea. The goddesses know such a shot will make Medea, the daughter of the king who claims the Fleece, so blind in love with Jason that she’ll do anything to help him. Medea uses her powers as a witch to kill her brother, conquer her father, and solve the obstacles that hide the Fleece so Jason can be more myth than man.

But there’s a problem. Jason didn’t get shot with the arrow, only Medea. His love isn’t constant or bound. When he later needs to claim a throne to get power, he divorces the ever-helpful Medea to marry a younger princess. But Medea doesn’t go quietly. She gives the princess a bridal gift of a poisoned veil that kills the girl. She murders the two sons she shares with Jason. She then flees and marries a king who protects her in a distant place. And it’s only when she dies and goes to Hades that she finally gets to marry the only man she actually chose to love. It’s Achilles, and their afterlife is more bliss for her than her un-chosen one was above the ground. Jason, whom the gods now ignore, ages with his sad fate wrapped around his ephemeral victories.

I recently read a book called The Paradox of Choice. It’s about how we now have so much to choose from in life in all areas that no selection seems better than the others and after we do choose we second-guess because all these other options are still available. Think of big-screen TVs, Mac gadgetry, cereal aisles and the people you date or don’t date. The reason why no decision ever seems final or fulfilling is because most people now have more power over the courses of their lives than they ever had. And instead of making us happier, the infinity of options make us wonder about the bliss that could be in the what-ifs that were once only our imagination’s figments.

The play and the book intertwine because they differentiate the way our lives once were and the way we live now. The myth makes something of Jason, not by his will but of his fate, set like a stone in motion by the whims of an emotional goddess. The myth makes a morality tale out of Medea for the way a god chose to bind her with a blind love that twists her life into possessiveness and madness. The arrow is hers to bear without knowing or wanting to be hit. The journey is Jason’s to follow without suspecting its predestined consequences will leave him loveless, childless, and ultimately crushed under the wreck of his own ship.

This is the difference between then and now. In ancient times, life was the whim and blame of the gods. Now we hold in our own hands the black, white and gray of the picture into which our days will develop. To take or steer from less-limited roads, to guess or second-guess, and to find meaning in the before or the after of decisions. To sample so much in a succession to shape the stories we become.

It’s like life is a magic trick of our own making. As J.J. Abrams talks about in this video, life and the people we meet in it are a lot like the mystery box his grandfather inspired him to buy as a kid. It’s just a simple box. But it’s taped shut. There’s no way to know what is inside. And because of the way time moves and the way we are initially secrets to one another, what someone or our days will become is as much a surprise as a fastened box. I suppose it is a choice to think there is adventure or failure inside there. The ancient story suggests there are always both. But it seems to me there’s wisdom when Abrams says that mystery in many ways is more important than knowledge.

Because mystery makes us face all the things that we must tangle with to evolve. At the edge of mystery are vulnerability, fear, and uncertainty. And inside the box could be love, wisdom or some other kind of light. The thing that gives me pause is that this journey is something so ancient. So stories like Jason’s and Medea’s survive because we mimic them still despite our less-divine freedom. And though the choice is more ours, the potential for transcendence is still here as then. The unknowns we hold in our hands still could be the happy beginning of Jason or the graceful ending for Medea.

At the play’s conclusion, each main character is revealed to be immortalized in the constellations we still learn in the night sky. It reminded me of hearing a late-night concert in London when the lights were dimmed and tea candles were set about the church in clusters. It looked as if the night sky had been tipped upside down with all those pinpoints of star-like light. And maybe the point of all these mimicked journeys through time is to repeat a pattern that makes us a bit more divine. To steal heaven when we touch qualities or make choices we associate with the height and distance of stars. This reach toward a riddle we may be instead of what we are known to be. And in those adventures toward love, wisdom or some other kind of light, we shimmer for a moment in time and outside of time, entangled and made one with all that was once before.

1) What a game. Seriously, that was just amazing. The Giants absolutely earned it. I kept thinking “there’s no way the G-men can hang on to win this game…” and “the Pats are going to erupt any second now.” It just never happened. Low scoring, hard nosed, amazing game, and my hat is off to an NFC East rival that I never thought I’d find myself rooting for…

But;

I now have decided that Bill Belichick is absolutely the biggest douche in all of sports.

There’s time left on the clock, Bill…don’t come on the field. Contrary to your belief, the game doesn’t revolve around you and you don’t get to decide when it’s over. Oh, and stick around for a few minutes there sparky. The only other player I’ve ever seen leave like that was…oh yeah, Randy Moss.

Bill Belichick; classless when he wins by running up the score and tries to justify it, classless when he loses and leaves the field when he decides they can’t win…so it’s over.

Congrats to the Giants. Simply amazing.

2) Eli Manning? Good for you. I read the New York newspapers regularly and no one takes a beating quite like Eli. That drive to win it? The way that he bought time on the last drive by breaking out of the grips of two Patriots to keep hope alive? The cool he displayed? That should get ‘em off his back for a bit. Oh, and maybe the “Eli Sucks” t shirt they are selling in New England will be revised?

3) Was it just me or were the commercials just …eh…?

4) Tom Brady is truly amazing. He just didn’t play like it tonight. In fact, the Patriots looked tired from the word “go”. Maybe the season finally caught up to them? I’mnot taking anything away from the Giants, but that team just didn’t look ready to go like they usually do.

5) So what’s the first company that’s going to scoop up the Mannings for a back-to-back Superbowl MVP ad?

6) It does kinda suck that we have to keep listening to the damned ‘72 Dolphins for another year…but the Pats fans wouldn’ve been worse.

All in all, one of the greatest Superbowls I’ve ever seen.

I got the call today about the new house; approved! Signed and sealed with a move date and all. Yee. Friggin’. HA! Now it’s time to start making the lists of everything that the new place needs…which is like…oh…everything.

See, I travel light kids. I don’t have lots of stuff and I really never wanted it. That has kinda sorta changed…I want stuff, man. I’ve got a great job that pays well, a beautiful house, a great girlfriend, and a grin on my face. So, it’s time to go shopping. On the list;

A car

Furniture

A new amp (to go with the new guitar)

Carpets

And the list goes on and on…

What’s that? The new guitar? Oh, did I forget to mention that? He he…funny story. My company bought me a new Les Paul Standard in Honeyburst. Oh yeah, baby. IT was an “atta boy” for 2007. How cool is that? Sadly, and of course, I picked the one finish that simply doesn’t exist. No one’s got it. From here to LA and back again it simply ain’t there. So, I had to order it and we’re still waiting but who cares? I mean, this thing is worth whatever the wait!

New place, new guitar, life is good, baby. Life is good.

To that end, I’ve been reexamining all sorts of things lately, and I’ve sort of realized that I’ve always been a little afraid of success. I do very well in all kinds of things, but then I start wondering if I deserve it…am I going to screw it up? How am I going to screw it up? When am I going to screw it up?

But this time…right now? I feel amazing. I feel strong and I feel like things are falling in to place. Like I’ve worked hard and that I do deserve to succeed. Even writing this, I’m wondering if I’m jinxing something. But then I think; hell no. FUCK no. There’s this life that I want and by god I’m going to reach out with both hands and grab it.

It’s one hell of a feeling, kids. I highly recommend it.

If the first few weeks of ‘08 are any indication, this year is going to kick ass. I mean, it’s really starting to look friggin’ fantastic. A lot of the changes that happened at the end of ‘07 are paying off in big, big ways and I’m grinning from ear to ear.

For example;

It’s no big secret that I’ve been MIA. Well, that’s because my work load and even my entire job description changed in the last few months. I’ve been busier than ever and it’s been really great (except for my blogging gig, that is) for my life. A busy INPY is a happy INPY. Well, yesterday I was called in for my yearly review and given a substantial raise to go along with the new set up, as well as some other bad ass tweaks.

Niiiice.

And today? I’m looking at a house. That’s right damnit you heard me. A 3 floor, finished basement, fenced in back yard, house on the hill. No more crackheads in CoHi for this cabron. No no. Like the Jeffersons, I’m a movin’ on up. Now, this was set up before I got the raise. It’s just that the raise is going to help. A LOT. Oh, and I’m not buying this place. I’d be renting. Even still, it’s a hell of a lot better to have a house is Cap Hill than an English Basement in Columbia Heights.

Word.

Next on my list is a car. I’ve fought it and fought it, but I’ve decided that it’s time. I sort of kind of have to have it for my job anyhow…I’ve just been trying to fudge it and make due but that’s not cutting it anymore. So, yeah. Now it’s a car. I have no idea what make/model I’m going to look for except to say that it will be (1) used and (2) ….well, there is no “2″ so far. I used to buy cars based on the “Grrr Factor”. I liked fast and fun. Now? Not so much. Now it’s more about gas mileage and comfort…and OK, yeah, a good 0-60 (and 60-90) number.

So along with cutting out the smoking, lots of the drinking, the eating of meat (had I mentioned that before?) and the Russian call girls, I’m adding more “stuff” to my life. I’m not generally a big fan of “stuff”. I don’t like being weighed down by lots of things. Possessions. Who needs ‘em? All it is really is more junk that you’ve got to deal with…

…but, that’s kind of giving way to a feeling that I’d like to be a bit more rooted down and a bit more…umm…stable? That might be the word.

Either way, hello 2008. You’re lookin’ mighty fine this evening.