Caterers, Licenses, and DJ’s OH GOD
When you are in your mid-30’s, the oldest of three, and far, FAR more interested in the Yankees and vintage Stratocasters than you are in eternal wedded bliss and children, the last thing that your friends or anyone in your family expect to hear are the words, “I’m getting married”…
Throw in, for good measure, that I’ve had several long term (Long term = at least 1 year and one of 3 plus, and a few in between since I was legal to drink away the woes they caused) relationships in my life with women that my family has both loved and loathed and well….you can see their dilemma.
“He’s just not he marrying kind.” -Mom
(They are divorced, naturally.)
And, finally, add in the fact that kid brother got married years back, has a little girl coming up on 3 and another on the way, and that kid sister got married shortly after that and then had a little girl of her own…and that that did not in any way make me say “wow, I’ve just GOT to try this” as I’ve seen several times before…
Well…folks tend to just assume that you aren’t, as Mom said, “the marrying kind”.
And I agreed with that. I would be the first to tell you that it wasn’t for me. Hell no. I’m not opposed to the idea. Never have been. In fact, I’ve been the best man on more than one occasion and thought to myself that these two are perfect for each other.
I had been to far, FAR more weddings where I couldn’t help but be that guy at the bar giving the over-under on how long this could possibly last. And there’s a difference. A BIG difference, in why I felt that way about some marriages and not others.
In a nutshell; the ones that I felt good about weren’t getting married because they HAD to…they were getting married because the wanted to. Period. The brides hadn’t spent their lives planning out what song they would dance with Daddy to, and the groom didn’t get to his late 20’s and freak out. They also realized that they wouldn’t always look the way they do now, that life can genuinely suck sometimes, and they would have bad days, weeks, months, and in some cases years together…and STILL, they wanted to get married. There was something really, REALLY compelling about this union that made it above and beyond dating…more than being boyfriend and girlfriend, way more than significant others…this was it.
The last thing that I’ll add, as I don’t think that any of my friends and family that I’ve known who married would ever say, but I will, is this;
It’s a choice.
No, wait…before you say “of COURSE it’s a choice”…hear what I’m saying. I mean that it’s a choice on a much more basic level than “do I want to do this or not”.
I don’t believe that we are naturally monogamous. I don’t for a second think that it’s an evolution, or that you mature in to a desire to settle down. I don’t think she completes me or ANY of that bullshit, and yes, I do accept that there are many ways that this will make my life harder. I don’t feel one bit more mature or evolved than I did before I made the decision to very clumsily get down on my knee.
In a lot of ways, I feel like it’s quite the opposite. I don’t get to look out for JUST #1 anymore. I have to share the decision making process on everything from what car we buy to what’s for dinner. I have to answer to someone about the things that I do…
And yeah…I still did it and couldn’t be happier about it.