I Now Pronounce You

The Things You Learn

Posted in Nuts and Bolts of this shindig by inowpronounceyou on March 7, 2007

When you decide that you are going to change your entire life it SEEMS like you shouldn’t shocked that you are constantly learning new things. Me? I’m shocked. Stunned even. It seems like every day I learn something new about either the wedding (or weddings in general) or about myself. In no particular order, here’s what I’ve figured out of late. (Some of these I feel like an idiot for not kinda getting when I was…oh…25.)

1) I’m not missing anything.

When I chose to start being responsible and not going out every night, I thought that I would be tearing my hair out with boredom. Top that off with the fact that I didn’t know how Fiance and I would do just kinda hangin’ out and not drinking/partying all the time. And, think of how much FUN I could be having!! Shots! Flirting! Whoopin’ it up til late night with the boys!

What bullshit. You know what you’re missing? Nothing, really. It’ll be the exact same thing as last week and the exact same thing as this weekend. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s MORE fun occasionally. On Weekends. Maybe a HH every other week. When it’s part of your every day routine it’s exhausting and expensive…not to mention it takes away from your ability do other things…like your job.

You know what’s fun on say, Tuesday night? Making dinner with someone you love (or even just really like, I’m sure) and watching Netflix.

2) Saving money is like, totally easy.

When we got back together, we decided that it was time to grow up a bit. Part of that was putting money aside for a house and just for our security in general. This has NEVER been something that I am particularly good at. When I was younger and I worked in a marina on Cape Cod repairing boats, I made probably $25-$30K. How much did I spend? $25-$30K. When I went back to Boston and made $50K, I spent $50K. When I went to the start up and made $70K, I spent $70K. You get the idea. No matter what I’ve made, that’s been my budget. Now? Not the case. Now I/we save about $2000/month, and that’s still allowing us to go out and do the things that we want to do when we want to do them. It also allows for things like new guitars, the soon to be purchased new bed, trips to wine country VA, and, oh yeah…the wedding. Fiance and I have 2 investment accounts that we put our money in diligently, and we don’t miss our old life style at all.

What have I learned?

That how much money I make and/or spend has absolutely NOTHING to do with how happy I am.

What else have I learned?

That smoking, drinking, and partying is way, way, WAY more expensive than you ever thought.

3) Put the word “WEDDING” in the title, double the price.

OK, say you and your friend want to have a party. A big party. You want to go out and buy some really nice outfits to wear at this party and have it catered with an open bar and have all of your friends just have an absolute blast at this pah-tay. You call a caterer, a DJ (cuz you gotta bust out the Prince and dance, yo) and a clothing store and you get everything together and ready. You can do this, easily, for $50/person, plus the cost of your clothes which will be what? A few grand max if you’re getting decked out.

Now, go back and call those same service providers and quote the same thing, but say it’s a wedding…and watch what happens to those prices. Now, you’re coming up on $100/person easy.


Because they know that you are scared out of your mind that something will go wrong and they cash in on it. They know you want perfection. They just know. Those shoes she’s looking at…the $125 “dress shoes”? Call ’em Wedding Shoes and BANG…$200+. Why? They are WEDDING SHOES now. The fish, chicken, and beef plates (plus vegetarian option for the hippy friends you’ve got) that were going to cost you $50/person with all the fixins you could ever want and will be perfect? Yeah, not so much…$100/person…it’s wedding nosh now.

This is just the way that it works.

4) Your friends will have a hard time adjusting.

This one, well…yeah. What can I say? Suddenly you are an anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore. And you know what? I can work with that. I’ve been on both sides of this, and I can totally see it now. And, because I’ve been both the guy who, after a few drinks, says “why don’t we see you anymore…what the fuck, man? Don’t you like us anymore?” AND the guy who has to listen to it, I can clearly say this;

When I was saying it, I was wrong and really, I just felt left behind. I felt like “there’s no way this is what he really wants…it’s got to be HER!!! He would never, EVER leave me behind…abandon me and partying like this?!”

That’s exactly what he did. And it’s not that you’re not his boy anymore. It’s not that he didn’t have great times with you and the guys, and it’s damn sure not that he didn’t like running with the pack. It’s just that he’s made a choice…he CHOSE to have his life go in a different way that more than likely you will choose to at some point, too, and then smack yourself in the forehead with your best Homer Simpson “D’OH!”.

Like I said, some of these I should have known awhile back. But better late than never, right?

Having said all of that; I’ll see you on Friday night where the anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore will once again put you under the table with shots of Patron, carry you to the cab, and send you home. Because even when you’re being a pain in the ass, you’re still my boys.

Tonight, however, I’m staying in and making dinner with Fiance, watching Netflix, and going over the new wedding plan…because that’s what I want to do.


5 Responses to 'The Things You Learn'

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  1. Dupont said,

    *sigh* Thank you once again for putting things far better we-who-are-not-quite-as-wonderful-with-words ever would be able to. The fear of leaving things/people behind, and the idea of “what am I missing?” has gotten to me a lot in the last three months (the last one and a half of which have been my first experience living with someone in a non-roomie capacity) and seeing that it’s not just me who thought it, that it goes away, and that it really is much less than I thought (aka: seeing someone actually say that it’s not missing out on anything) makes me sigh just a bit 🙂

    Enjoy your friday night, I intend to do pretty much the same thing (minus wedding plans and netflix… and cooking. I don’t cook… lol)

  2. It’s definitely an adjustment, and it doesn’t happen right away. But give it time…I didn’t realize this right off the bat. At first I was certain that I was missing EVERYTHING!

  3. Arjewtino said,

    I can SO relate to this post. Seriously, you’ve written pretty much everything I’ve thought since moving in with my girlfriend seven months ago.

  4. Could you please, please, please submit this to Indie Bloggers? Even though a million (or, at least a few hundo) would fall in instant love. I’m just saying. Love your perspective.

  5. Arjewtino; I’ve come to accept that I’m always going to be saying “I’ll be damned” in response to something that I’ve figured out about my life with Fiance…and that she’ll have figured it out like a month before.

    Jurgen Nation; Thank you VERY much, and consider it done.

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