I Now Pronounce You


Some Friendly Advice

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 16, 2007

I get lots of advice these days. Everyone has something that I “should know”…some little trick to a happy marriage. Some of these people I wouldn’t take a movie recommendation from, and some are actually rather insighful.

My favorites so far;

Keep a slush fund. (For real, I was told this…not sure that this is a good idea.)

Make sure you don’t keep secrets.

Do things apart for yourself and together for your marriage. (*THAT one I liked)

Never spend more than a certain amount you determine together without telling each other.

And this one, I loved…forget the word divorce exists. Put it out of your head. No matter what happens, you have to believe that you are going to work it out and that there isn’t any other option but to do so. If you can’t do that, don’t get married.

And since I’m now open to it…any other things I should know?

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11 Responses to 'Some Friendly Advice'

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  1. DCVita said,

    My mom always told me that the most important thing to do when you are in any kind of relationship is to never go to bed angry. Work out all your problems before you go to sleep. If that is her only piece of advice, then I will take it. My parents have been married for over 30 years and still hold hands and look at each other lovingly. They must have done something right!!

  2. Aileen said,

    No advice to you..I’m not married…But I had to tell you that your blog really touches my heart. It’s encouraging to see a man with such a healthy outlook on love, marriage, relationships, and commitment. Congrats to you and your fiancee!

  3. freckledk said,

    I’ve heard that separate bathrooms make for a happy marriage.

    And let her hold the remote every once in awhile.

  4. LMNt said,

    I dig this blog. And i definitely think the “forget divorce exists” is killer. Never been married, though, so I’ll refrain from advising you on it. From what I’ve read, it seems you’ve got the right ideas anyway.


  5. I’m not married, but a lesson I’ve learned in all of my relationships is – make sure you’re communicating in a way that your partner can understand. It’s important to think about how your words/actions will sound/look to the other person before you say or do, and will likely save you a lot of miscommunication. Congrats to you both!


  6. DCVita: 30 years? OK, I’m going to take the “don’t go to bed angry” advice seriously.

    Aileen; thanks, that’s very cool of you to say!

    Freckled; Separate bathrooms? That is freakin’ GENIUS. (BTW, totally check out Freckled K’s post about her father. It’s…there aren’t words.

    LMNt; Thanks! That advice came from my soon-to-be inlaws, who are a great example of the marriage I want. The slush fund? that came from my dad. Go figure.

    Dagny Taggart; First, Atlas Shrugged is in my top 5 greatest books ever…I lit up when I saw your name! That’s GREAT advice. Communicating is great…effectively communicating is better. Thank you!

  7. AmyD said,

    I’m not married, but am happily with the man I plan to marry. Some advice I’ve grown to appreciate in my 30 years of life:

    1.) Have separate lives and interests, and make sure to make time for yourself. Of course, you mustn’t take this to mean you spend 5 days a week apart, but just that you aren’t spending 7 days a week together, either. Even masturbation becomes boring if you do it all the time…

    2.) Invest in a king-sized bed, or at the very least, a queen-sized bed. There is a time to cuddle, and then there is a time to sleep. If you are sleepy, you can’t be a lovely, loving person very easily, now can you? ;o)

    3.) While you can’t change a person, it’s important to remember that your spouse will evolve and become a somewhat different person over time. As we get older, we change less and less, but with new experiences and lessons learned, we do evolve and grow as individuals. By expecting this and keeping this in mind, it will be easier to find ways to reinvent your love for the person they have yet to become.

    I really like your site; it’s refreshing to read a male point of view from someone who not only wants to be in a committed and happy marriage, but clearly has been on the other side of love in the past. The word ‘reform’ comes to mind, and I know the exact feeling. Keep up the good work. :o)


  8. Amyd; thanks for this advice (especially the call on the bed…NEVER would have thought of that but what a great point) and the compliments. Reformed? Ha…good word. but ummm…”even masturbation becomes boring..”? I think you’re doing it wrong. 😉

  9. Maria said,

    Hmmm .. all good advice so far. I don’t know that I can’t add any more to your list … but I will definitely keep track of these suggestions for when it’s my turn to tie the knot.

  10. Jo said,

    I haven’t read all the other comments, but from my parents who have been married 35 years:

    2 things that will make or break a marriage: Sex and Money. If you disagree or have problems/different values in either front, you will fight A LOT and it won’t work.

    Have a joint account for bills and 2 separate accounts. This way you can buy guitars and she can buy shoes without having to explain it too much.

    Remember to have separate lives… to an extent. Go out with your friends, let her do her thing, but remember to always make quality time for each other.

    When and if possible, hire a maid.

    Remember that marriage is a partnership, it’s give and take like anything else in life. Sometimes it’s like you’re running a business together, sometimes it’s for the sex, sometimes you’re best friends. But you have to learn to put all those together to make it work.

    And lastly. Have sex. As often as possible. Even if you only have 5 minutes. But remember that there will be times when you’re having sex once a week, if that, and that’s ok too.

  11. EDW said,

    Here’s my advice; don’t freak out the first year. It’s wonderful and it’s hard, even if you lived together for years. Suddenly, you’re married, and it seems like the stakes got higher. So just roll with it, and if you do have that ohmygod we’re married now and why are we fighting over this stupid shit all of a sudden, just remember everyone goes through it. I don’t know a couple who didn’t no matter their living arrangement beforehand.

    I like the bit about the word divorce!


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