I Now Pronounce You

Carry On Bags Only

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 23, 2007

Last night I met up with this guy, who is a monster ping-pong player and a very hip cat. Turns out the man knows his baseball, too…which in my book is always a sign of a tres cool person. Sadly, he likes the Dodgers, which rates just slightly higher than digging things like oppression, but is not nearly as bad as being a Red Sox fan.

I’m starting to get a clearer picture of just what the hell is going on in my world. I’m getting that there were, indeed, signs, that the relationship apocalypse was coming. And while I didn’t choose to ignore them but rather didn’t put them in to their proper context…well, yeah. There were signs.

I’m also fighting off the urge to get angry…which sounds like a really bad idea, I know. But my hope is to get in to a new place (the last one didn’t work out, but I’ve seen several more since) and THEN get angry. I don’t want to say things that I might regret and lose not only a fiance, but a friend. It is, to say the least, a balancing act. In my head I go back and forth from Jeff Buckley to Ministry these days, but I don’t have to give in to my lowest level impulses.

And speaking of lowest level impulses…

I have now been told several times that I need to get laid. This is just not sound guy advice. As if, somehow, that is going to fix everything…I’m going to get off and get on with my life? I have never understood this line of thinking. I think it’s something that we men tend to tell each other when something like this happens because (1) we aren’t exactly going to open up and say “tell me how you’re feeling” and (2) we have no idea what else to say and (3) how can sex NOT be the answer?

Now, I’m not standing on a high horse here and knockin’ casual sex. Do what you do, I don’t judge. I’m saying that I don’t get the benefit derived from casual sex as a remedy for a broken heart. If anything, it’s going to make it worse. Much worse. You’re going to feel that much more alone after the fact, and it’s going to send you further down the downward spiral…and then the next time you do fall for someone, you’re going to carry that much more baggage with you.

And really, who needs baggage? I’ve got enough I’m trying to handle right now…the last thing I need is to get laid. The first thing I need is an apartment. Preferably one that won’t mind Ministry’s “So What” being blasted while I move.


16 Responses to 'Carry On Bags Only'

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  1. Freckledk said,

    Hey! Red Sox Nation, baby! But, in light of recent events, I’ll forgive the error in judgement.

    See? Even something as terrible as what you are going through can have its benefits. You just got a get-out-of-jail-free card, Mister.

    I hope you find that apartment, pronto. I think getting out of that environment is the first step toward moving forward. Do you have a friend you can crash with in the interim?

  2. Jo said,

    Getting laid is a bad idea. I tried that once (I’m a girl) and I ended up feeling like I’d betrayed my ex which only made me feel worse.

    BTW anger can be a good thing in the right circumstances. It helps to cauterize the wound.

  3. Yeah, anger can be a good thing. And yeah, getting laid as a solution, not so much — especially since there’d be another person involved in the act. But then again, I’m an old broad, so what do I know?

  4. FreckledK: Red Sox nation? (Groans) Is there anyone IN RSN these days? OK, OK…no baseball. I appreciate the free pass. 🙂 I’m going to be spending the weekend with Southie and Blondie, actually. And hopefully this apartment thing will work itself out by tonight or tomorrow.

    Jo: That feeling…that “I’m cheating on my ex” feeling? I want NO part of that.

    Bozoette MAry; I think you know quite a bit, actually.

  5. Red said,

    I find the suggestion of “getting laid” to be more figurative than literal.
    You’re going to have the rebounds and those can help you with moving on but it doesn’t have to involve sex… yet!
    It’s all baby steps and the apartment is definitely your first step but to meet some hot chick for a coffee. Thoughts of future relationships with someone different than what has been in your head for so long can possibly help you.

  6. Not that I don’t think you deserve every chance to go out and find happiness, but… I kind of think there’s something to be said for taking your time and readjusting to life.

    I think you’ll know when you’re feeling ready to go out and flirt again – the human heart often knows a lot more than it tells the human mind. Enjoy this chance to get your fresh start up and running, and see what you feel like doing then.

  7. LMNt said,

    I’m with Red — a little rebound, handled properly, never hurt anyone. In fact, it can give you something else to focus on for a while.

    Mad helps, too, just don’t let it consume you.

  8. Red; No, I’m pretty sure they mean it quite literally!

    Dagny; I’m trying to approach it in just that way…thanks!

    LMNt; it’ll come…just not right now. And thanks for your post, btw. I owe you a beer.

  9. anon said,

    Well, it’s just advice (however bad it may be). You (obviously) don’t have to take them up on it. Just smile and say thanks.

  10. mm said,

    I agree. Sex is not a decent remedy. Also, steer clear of the anger. Don’t fault someone for breaking things off with you when it’s probably for the best. Stay positive and good luck.

  11. […] March 24, 2007 Filed under: The How, Grief — Dagny Taggart @ 8:22 am A fellow “online writer” discussed the dubious virtues of a rebound, or a transitional person.  I commented there […]

  12. Lisa said,

    I dunno – a good friend of mine feels like it’s a good idea to have sex with someone else as soon as possible, even just once. Not that it erases or replaces anything. Rather, her argument is that your most recent body memory is then not of the person who broke your heart. Rebounding might be good for you, but you can really devastate someone else in the process, if you’re suddenly focusing all your passion and energy on the rebound…until it weards off 3 months later.

    And I’m with the people who say let yourself get angry. Doesn’t mean you have to say any of the things you’re thinking to her. But letting yourself be angry can help a lot.

  13. hmm, couple of posts ago you wanted it to work. You’re done trying? moving on to getting back up to get laid? You don’t support you need alcohol.

    Go Mets.

  14. mysterygirl! said,

    My two cents is that however you’re feeling is absolutely okay. Only you know what works for you– plus, your feelings will probably change day to day, if not hour to hour. Do things that make you feel good about yourself, and don’t second guess or feel the need to justify your feelings.

    Hang in there, inowpronounceyou. I wish you all the best.

  15. Lisa; I hate to admit it, but that “body memory” idea is the first good argument I’ve heard for the “get laid to get over it”. Doesn’t mean that I’m going to do it, but it’s a good argument.

    Bigger Bitch; Ummm…huh? How exactly you got that out of these posts is beyond me. Oh wait…Mets fan. Nevermind.

    mysterygirl; thanks…

  16. EDW said,

    Some people can’t help being Mets fans…I feel sorry for them. 🙂

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