I Now Pronounce You


Some Friendly Advice

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 16, 2007

I get lots of advice these days. Everyone has something that I “should know”…some little trick to a happy marriage. Some of these people I wouldn’t take a movie recommendation from, and some are actually rather insighful.

My favorites so far;

Keep a slush fund. (For real, I was told this…not sure that this is a good idea.)

Make sure you don’t keep secrets.

Do things apart for yourself and together for your marriage. (*THAT one I liked)

Never spend more than a certain amount you determine together without telling each other.

And this one, I loved…forget the word divorce exists. Put it out of your head. No matter what happens, you have to believe that you are going to work it out and that there isn’t any other option but to do so. If you can’t do that, don’t get married.

And since I’m now open to it…any other things I should know?

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The Perpetual What Ifs

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 14, 2007

From the outside looking in, here’s what you see;

Your friends just got engaged…they are flashing the rock, getting handshakes and hugs, toasting to the future. It’s all smiles and tears of joy. Then there’s a downtime, followed by a steady stream of wedding plans that you honestly get tired of talking about and even hearing about. (Don’t lie…we know) That’s followed by invitations to be in the bridal party or a groomsman, maybe the Maid of Honor or Best Man. Some time later the invitations go out…and it’s “save the date” and all that noise.

Through all of this, it’s smiles and laughter.

Occasionally, one of your friends will want to know if you’re SURE…are the ANY doubts? Even a little?

Here’s the straight dope on that happy couple as they exist in the time between proposal and wedding…

OF COURSE THERE’S DOUBT!!! When you buy a car and you sign on that dotted line, you are doubting. Even if it’s the perfect car for you and you KNOW you can afford it…WHAT IF?

Your mortgage closing? You sweat. Even though this house is everything that you had on your list of requirements, the mortgage is less than you’ve been paying in rent, and it doesn’t need any work…WHAT IF?

Getting married is a bigger contract than either of those, and it’s forever OR until a soul crushing divorce. (And it ruins your credit, just like forfeiting on that loan) ANYONE who is engaged and tells you that they don’t have doubts/fears is either (1) lying to your face or (2) not thinking about this nearly enough. (Or, to be fair, has been living with someone for like, 10 years…and even they will have moments when they wonder)

When Fiance comes home for her class at 10:30 or so, and is exhausted and cranky and complaining about how tired she is…BUT will stay up watching bad TV for another few hours before crashing…only to complain again the next morning that she’s exhausted…

Or when we have a bad weekend, and just can’t get on the same page and annoy the crap out of each other…?

Or when you hit a sexy time dry spell and can’t connect for the life of you because of schedules, stress, exhaustion or whatever…?

You don’t think I wonder? Hell yes I do. I’m engaged, I’m not sedated. You wonder and you doubt and all sorts of things cross your mind. My brother described it as the “Perpetual What If”.

Just because you’ve slipped that ring on her finger doesn’t mean that you’ve become the Cardinal of Faith, and that you believe SO DEEPLY and SO FERVENTLY in your love that doubt dissipates like pot smoke in a convertible.

It does NOT.

So, there you are…sweaty palms, looking at the ceiling in your bed. Wishing you still smoked and that you didn’t have to work tomorrow. What do you do? Keep your mouth shut and hope it passes? VERY quietly pack your essentials, grab your guitar, and make a break for it in the dead of the night? Pick a fight and hope she leaves you?

You could. Broken engagements are a dime a dozen. Don’t think so? Bring up the return policy at a jeweler and see how readily they can recite it. You could go right back to that barstool for the playoffs and your seats at the Nats, wondering who the next tanned and toned future ex girlfriend will be.

Or, you can swallow that “OHGODOHGODOHGODWHATHAVEIDONEHOWDOIGETOUTOFHERE” and say the following;

Baby, I’m scared to death.

Chances are that she’s going to say;

You and me both.

Then this amazing thing is going to happen…you’re going to start talking. (Imagine that) And you’re going to find out that you’re both afraid of the same damned thing. You figure out that really, it’s the monster in the closet, which is to say it’s nothing.

And you laugh a little.

And you talk about the things you want to get better at, and the things that you are thankful that you don’t have to deal with because you found each other.

Suddenly, like pot smoke in a convertible, the Perpetual What Ifs go away. You make dinner and you wonder why people watch Grey’s Anatomy, b/c you liked it better when it was called ER 10 years ago…

…and you laugh that 10 years ago, she couldn’t drive a car…

…and she sings the Jem theme song as the yeah-you’re-old-inside-joke-that-never-fails-to-make-you both-laugh…

And by the time you’re clearing away the dinner dishes, you’re so much more focused on all of the reasons that you are engaged that you can’t remember why you’d ever want to not be.

Back On Track

Posted in Nuts and Bolts of this shindig by inowpronounceyou on March 13, 2007

This weekend marks the end of Fiance’s RE class and my first full week of being treated (rather succesfully so far, I might ad) for what ails me. I mention this because once we pulled up stakes on the wedding-that-got-away and opted for a much smaller (and more in line with our originally planned) wedding, we agreed that we would get through her class, get me healthy, and then start re-planning.

She’s all but done, and I’m well on the road to recovery…so we are about to jump right back in to the fray. But this time it’s all going to be a much smaller scale and far less stressful. We’re thinking of doing it here with our immediate familes (Sorry aunt ummm…errr…what’s your aunts name again) and the wedding party. That’s it…we’re talking like 20 people, 30 tops.

This is the wedding I want. I’d like to be able to see everyone that comes and have time with them…and this place solves that problem. It’s a B&B that we’d rent out for the weekend, so we can see everyone and, oh yeah, get married.

Gone are the ridiculous catering ideas…the estate rental…the horse drawn carriage (swear to God)…the parking attendant issue…

All gone.

But the open bar…that’s staying.

So that’s the plan…I’ll keep ya posted.

Now if I can just figure out how to get everyone (including the Red Sox fans in attendance) to wear a Yankees hat for the pictures…

Free Free, Set Them Free -or- Things I’ve Learned, revisited

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 10, 2007

Fiance went off to her RE class today at just before 8…and I got up and went out shortly thereafter. I got some caffeine free green tea (cuz I gave up coffee) went to Dupont, and sat on the bench with my thoughts…well, one line of thinking in particular.

All day I’ve had this thing kicking around in my head..this debate. See, earlier this week, KassyK at Caged Bird Sings posted about getting back together with her ex-boyfriend, and how happy she is about it. It was a fabulous post of love lost and rediscovered, and I smiled through the whole thing…

It got me thinking about my own experience in the realm of reconnection. I’ve mentioned before that Fiance and I were apart for 6 months, that we got back together and are where we are now. It also got me thinking about the soft undercurrent of Kassy’s post, which was (and KassyK, if you should read this; forgive me if I’m completely off base) almost an explanation. As if to say you know some people are going to give you a hard time about getting back together with an ex, so be preemptive and let them know that there are reasons, and that you’re happy.

I don’t make this observation as a judgment. I make it out of recognition. I was there. When I got back together with Fiance, there were some people more than ready to give the “Don’t buy the same car twice” speech, and I got preemptive. “I’m happy…we really are better together than apart…I’ve missed her even when I didn’t know I was missing her”

What was rattling around in my thick skull today was…

Why?

I know all the arguments. Believe me, I do. It didn’t work once, why would it work the second time?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Believe me, I know.

Here’s what it looks like from this side of the aisle:

We are a point and click society. How fast is fast enough? It’s NEVER fast enough. If you aren’t 100% JUMP UP AND DOWN satisfied, get your money back. It’s all about ME and what makes ME happy. Get a lawyer and get what’s yours. Sue. Take. Consume.

You know what we aren’t about?

Sacrifice.

Commitment.

Forgiveness.

Tolerance.

We are a long-term-finance, short-term-reward world. Overnight shipping. We aren’t built to work it out. We’re built to save the receipt and bring it back. We’re built to know that no contract is REALLY binding. We’re built for 30 day guarantees and trial memberships. Travel packs. Buy one get one free.

And I’m not saying that’s ALL bad. But I am saying that we have this mind set and then we’re surprised that our grandparents could stay married, our parents couldn’t, and we can’t even keep a significant other for 4 season in a calendar year. We want it faster, and that includes happiness.

Think about that…

Happiness should come fast and easy.

Now, I am NOT just waxing metaphorically about getting out at the first stubbed toe…I’m also talking about getting IN. We have three dates, get physical, and suddenly we’re vested emotionally. What the fuck is that about? And I’m not preaching from up on high. My perfect relationship at times in my life was dinner for two, breakfast for one. But why was I surprised at the amount of struggle relationships meant for me? Why was I surprised that “there’s always someone out there who’s better” had me constantly cutting bait and chasing the next pretty face that I had a great conversation with?

And better yet, this person that I am trying so hard to get as far away from…how’d I wind up dating her in the first damn place?

To that end and in the interest of fairness, I’m sure that person was thinking the same thing about me.

As sure as I didn’t have a good answer on the front end, I damn sure didn’t have one on the other end every time. There were times I said “I don’t need this” when I’m not entirely sure what “this” was…or why, exactly, I was sure I didn’t need it. What I DID know was that it was forcing me to choose between effort and none. And I decided that the answer was “none”.

My point is that there are times where we don’t think much about the effort being happy with someone else takes. And when I look around and at myself, I often see that it’s a pattern that has very very little to do with the other person…it’s just what we do.

But sometimes, it is worth the pain. It IS worth the struggle, the hurt, the anger, and the soul sucking swallow of pride it takes to say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” or the soul baring it takes to say “I was wrong, I want to try again”…because happiness isn’t about all about “me” or “you”. It’s about a back and forth. It’s playing Rummy without keeping score. Getting pummeled in one hand and taking it all back the next, but not gloating OR getting angry.

It’s about loving the game and the chance to play it with that person.

Sometimes you need to slow down, rethink, and reevaluate. Sometimes things don’t work perfectly the very first time. But that doesn’t mean they never will or never could. Sometimes, things DO change. Occasionally, forgiving is a good thing. And moving forward. And acknowledging that neither one of you are perfect, that you’ll never be perfect, and that perfection is a pretty rough and LONELY standard to set… and that absolutely none of this means you should settle.

It means that damned saying about loving something and setting it free might be more than a pain in the ass thing people say at inopportune times and a decent Sting song. (that’s Branford Marsalis playin’ sax, yo)

I know that to a whole lot of people that doesn’t make whole lot of sense. But I’ll bet a round of shots (that I can’t drink just yet) that KassyK gets it. The sad thing is that apparently you have to go through a little hell, a little pain, and a whole lot of self discovery to learn that. I know I did. I think she did, too. And my hat’s off to her.

Because no one (except for marketing companies) said it was supposed to be easy.

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don’t even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free

If it’s a mirror you want, just look into my eyes
Or a whipping boy, someone to despise
Or a prisoner in the dark
Tied up in chains you just can’t see
Or a beast in a gilded cage
That’s all some people ever want to be

If you love somebody, set them free

You can’t control an independent heart
Can’t tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can’t live
We can’t live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see we want to possess

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don’t even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free

Lucky, Lucky Me.

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 8, 2007

Maybe it’s because none of these doctors I’ve been seeing seem to be able to do a damn thing about what I’m dealing with…or, maybe it’s because I’m hungry, but I can’t eat b/c of the pain it causes…or maybe it’s because I’m exhausted no matter what time I go to bed or wake up…

But I’m feeling lucky.

I’m no good at saying “help me”. I never really have been, and that’s not bragging; it’s a confession of my own weakness. I’m the oldest of three and it was my job to take care of them. That’s how it is when you’re the oldest. That always stayed with me. Plus, I’m a self made guy. Never got any help and never really wanted it. When something hurt me, I dealt with it. When something was hard, I tried harder. When I needed something, I figured out how to get it, and that didn’t involve finding someone to give it to me or even help me to get it.

That’s just the way it’s been…

But last night, after speaking with my cardiologist, I thought I was going to explode. See, I’ve been in a holding pattern since my night in the hospital. The doctors put me on something and sent me to my primary care physician…and he told me to see a cardiologist and a gastroenterologist. I saw the gastroenterologist for a “consultation” and he said he’d set me up for an Endoscopy. That got moved back twice, and is finally scheduled for tomorrow. The cardiologist brought me in for a “consultation” and set me up for an ECG and a stress test. That was Tuesday.

But the whole time that this back and forth has been going on, this pain has been getting a little worse, and a little worse, day by day. At first it was something that I could tolerate. But then it started getting a little worse…and a little worse. And I’ve been going to work and just dealing…dealing…dealing…

After Tuesday, no one would call me back and tell me what the results of my test were…not the cardiologist, not my PCP. So another day goes by, no relief in sight. Yesterday, I was trying to get through another day, not eating, exhausted, and in pain…oh, did I mention that I was in meetings all day? Yeah…NOT. FUN.

By the time I finally got the call, all he said was “We didn’t find anything”.

When I got home, I thought I was going to snap. Frustration + Hunger + Exhaustion + Pain? You do the math.

When I was in the Army, I took up boxing. My trainer used to say “sometimes you just need to hit”, and last night that was how I felt. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit something. I felt like my head was going to just BLOW. And my stomach and my chest were screaming along with me…

When Fiance came home she asked if I wanted something to eat, and that was almost the “Scanners” moment. HOW could she ask me that? Doesn’t she know how much pain I’m in? Can’t she see that I’m doubled over?

I didn’t know what to do, what to say…I just snapped “NO!!”

And she looked at me and something…softened. I could barely believe what I said next. Really, because as I thought about it today I don’t know when I said it last.

“Can I just have a hug?”

For the next 10, 15 minutes, I sat and listened in the woman-who-will-be-my-wife’s arms while she told me how it was all going to be all right. And it wasn’t lip service. She’s right. It IS all going to be all right. She told me that I needed to relax…that the stress wasn’t helping the pain. And she was right. I felt myself take a deep breath and blow out, and the edge of the pain went with it. She told me she loves me, and that Friday’s test will hopefully reveal what’s wrong with me, and that will be a start and that will be the beginning of me getting back to where I need to be.

And she was right again.

If it was an episode of Scrubs, Ben Folds would have been playing in the background.

I found myself crying a little, and letting go a little, and leaning on her a little. And it felt really, really good.

Sometimes, you just need a hug.

The Things You Learn

Posted in Nuts and Bolts of this shindig by inowpronounceyou on March 7, 2007

When you decide that you are going to change your entire life it SEEMS like you shouldn’t shocked that you are constantly learning new things. Me? I’m shocked. Stunned even. It seems like every day I learn something new about either the wedding (or weddings in general) or about myself. In no particular order, here’s what I’ve figured out of late. (Some of these I feel like an idiot for not kinda getting when I was…oh…25.)

1) I’m not missing anything.

When I chose to start being responsible and not going out every night, I thought that I would be tearing my hair out with boredom. Top that off with the fact that I didn’t know how Fiance and I would do just kinda hangin’ out and not drinking/partying all the time. And, think of how much FUN I could be having!! Shots! Flirting! Whoopin’ it up til late night with the boys!

What bullshit. You know what you’re missing? Nothing, really. It’ll be the exact same thing as last week and the exact same thing as this weekend. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s MORE fun occasionally. On Weekends. Maybe a HH every other week. When it’s part of your every day routine it’s exhausting and expensive…not to mention it takes away from your ability do other things…like your job.

You know what’s fun on say, Tuesday night? Making dinner with someone you love (or even just really like, I’m sure) and watching Netflix.

2) Saving money is like, totally easy.

When we got back together, we decided that it was time to grow up a bit. Part of that was putting money aside for a house and just for our security in general. This has NEVER been something that I am particularly good at. When I was younger and I worked in a marina on Cape Cod repairing boats, I made probably $25-$30K. How much did I spend? $25-$30K. When I went back to Boston and made $50K, I spent $50K. When I went to the start up and made $70K, I spent $70K. You get the idea. No matter what I’ve made, that’s been my budget. Now? Not the case. Now I/we save about $2000/month, and that’s still allowing us to go out and do the things that we want to do when we want to do them. It also allows for things like new guitars, the soon to be purchased new bed, trips to wine country VA, and, oh yeah…the wedding. Fiance and I have 2 investment accounts that we put our money in diligently, and we don’t miss our old life style at all.

What have I learned?

That how much money I make and/or spend has absolutely NOTHING to do with how happy I am.

What else have I learned?

That smoking, drinking, and partying is way, way, WAY more expensive than you ever thought.

3) Put the word “WEDDING” in the title, double the price.

OK, say you and your friend want to have a party. A big party. You want to go out and buy some really nice outfits to wear at this party and have it catered with an open bar and have all of your friends just have an absolute blast at this pah-tay. You call a caterer, a DJ (cuz you gotta bust out the Prince and dance, yo) and a clothing store and you get everything together and ready. You can do this, easily, for $50/person, plus the cost of your clothes which will be what? A few grand max if you’re getting decked out.

Now, go back and call those same service providers and quote the same thing, but say it’s a wedding…and watch what happens to those prices. Now, you’re coming up on $100/person easy.

Why?

Because they know that you are scared out of your mind that something will go wrong and they cash in on it. They know you want perfection. They just know. Those shoes she’s looking at…the $125 “dress shoes”? Call ’em Wedding Shoes and BANG…$200+. Why? They are WEDDING SHOES now. The fish, chicken, and beef plates (plus vegetarian option for the hippy friends you’ve got) that were going to cost you $50/person with all the fixins you could ever want and will be perfect? Yeah, not so much…$100/person…it’s wedding nosh now.

This is just the way that it works.

4) Your friends will have a hard time adjusting.

This one, well…yeah. What can I say? Suddenly you are an anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore. And you know what? I can work with that. I’ve been on both sides of this, and I can totally see it now. And, because I’ve been both the guy who, after a few drinks, says “why don’t we see you anymore…what the fuck, man? Don’t you like us anymore?” AND the guy who has to listen to it, I can clearly say this;

When I was saying it, I was wrong and really, I just felt left behind. I felt like “there’s no way this is what he really wants…it’s got to be HER!!! He would never, EVER leave me behind…abandon me and partying like this?!”

That’s exactly what he did. And it’s not that you’re not his boy anymore. It’s not that he didn’t have great times with you and the guys, and it’s damn sure not that he didn’t like running with the pack. It’s just that he’s made a choice…he CHOSE to have his life go in a different way that more than likely you will choose to at some point, too, and then smack yourself in the forehead with your best Homer Simpson “D’OH!”.

Like I said, some of these I should have known awhile back. But better late than never, right?

Having said all of that; I’ll see you on Friday night where the anti-social “pussy whipped” homebody who doesn’t have fun anymore will once again put you under the table with shots of Patron, carry you to the cab, and send you home. Because even when you’re being a pain in the ass, you’re still my boys.

Tonight, however, I’m staying in and making dinner with Fiance, watching Netflix, and going over the new wedding plan…because that’s what I want to do.

I Want a Do Over

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 5, 2007

Unfortunately, this weekend was a lost cause. Fiance is exhausted from her class and work, and I’m stressed out from having to get all of these tests done and my job. That ticking time bomb pretty much blew up this weekend. It wasn’t that we were fighting, it was that we just couldn’t say anything to each other without it coming out completely wrong. And I mean everything.

Somehow, it seems, we woke up on Sunday and just got on each other’s nerves. Anything she said, I took wrong…and I didn’t do a great job of expressing my discontent. After a few hours, it just sucked out loud. Fiance decided she’d had enough and went to study at a coffee shop. I spent time cleaning the apartment and playing guitar…but it just sucked.

It wasn’t that either of us have been spoiling for a fight. It was really more of a perfect storm. Two tired, stressed out people are bound to crack at some point. And this Sunday, the fault line opened up.

Today I apologized. In previous relationships, it was damn near a rule that in situations like this I NEVER apologized first. It’s petty, I know. But that’s how I rolled. I’m not above admitting that I was petty. Now, not so much. I felt awful when I woke up this morning and I wanted her to know.

But I would still like a do over for the weekend.

Big Wedding? OFF!

Posted in Nuts and Bolts of this shindig by inowpronounceyou on March 2, 2007

As of 1:04pm today, the wedding we were planning is officially off. We have decided on a MUCH smaller wedding, and have gotten all of our deposits back…how, I have NO idea. But we got every dime back.

We had been debating this for a while, and talking about how everything that we said we wanted seemed to be fading away, and that everything we said we wanted no part of seemed to be making its way into our wedding. As of today, that is NO MORE!

Originally, we wanted a small wedding in Maine. My family, her family, and some friends. We’re talking like 20 people. Somehow that became 50 people in Virginia wine country. Then 60-70 people in Virginia wine country. Then, we’ll send out 100 invitations and hope that maybe 80 are coming. It was going to be maybe $8000…then $10,000…then $15,000…

In the words of Roberto Duran; NO FUCKING MAS!!!

We are now getting married in Maine, with 20 people.

Moral; don’t let your wedding get away from you, folks. You know what you want, so stick to it. Ferociously. In the blink of an eye it can turn in to something only Meadow Soprano would love. You want to be in Maine for the foliage with your closest friends and family? Do it.

We are.

She’s My Sweet Little Thing…She’s My Pride and Joy

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 2, 2007

Did you know SRV wrote that about his guitar, not his girlfriend? It’s true…look it up. I’ll wait…go ahead.

See, told you.

Every Tuesday and Thursday night and all day Saturday I get the place to myself due to a class that Fiancé is taking. She’s getting her Real Estate License, so I get control of the remote (HOORAY for Classic Baseball games) and the ability to play my guitar uninterrupted. This, basically, ROCKS. I had not picked up a guitar in well….pretty much forever, due to life/work and whatever. Seriously, it had been YEARS. And, honestly, I gave away or sold off most of my gear. I mean, it was just sitting there and I really didn’t ever think about it…

Then I got the jones. It started when I realized that I was listening to music completely differently. Breaking it down in my head, measure for measure. Visualizing. Moving my hands a little up and down an imaginary fretboard and bending imaginary strings. That was the first step. Next came King Crimson…

For those of you that don’t know King Crimson, I have nothing to say. Really. Nothing. It’s music you’re either going to get and love or just never want to hear again. It’s all guys who are just PHENOMS at their instruments basically writing jaw dropping arrangements. It’s the kind of stuff that music majors just flip out over when they first hear it. But I digress…

…this really does have a point….

The other side of my music lovin’ self couldn’t be anymore different, or any further away from King Crimson. Get me to start rattling off some of my favorite songs and eventually I’m going to get to my guiltiest pleasure of all…

80’s music. And, more specifically, my favorite song from the 80’s.

“Your Love” A CLASSIC 80’s song by the Outfield.

I am not here to tell you that this is great music. God no. In fact, I refer to this as whole note rock. Why? Because it’s just so damn simple that you wonder if they know there are minors and 5th’s and quarter notes…but I love it just the same. In fact, I can (and do) find myself blending genres all the time. I will go from a Peter Gabriel (OLD PG, thank you very much…) mood to a full on Styx freak out in two seconds flat if I find a chord progression that fits both “Here Comes the Flood” AND “Babe”…

Which leads me back to my sudden urge to pick up a guitar…

I mentioned to Fiancé that I needed…not wanted, not was thinking about…but NEEDED to go out and buy a new guitar. And an amp. This might not sound like a big deal, BUT keep in mind that we are (1) paying for a wedding and (2) putting money away for our house and (3) my last guitar, which was sold off in a moment of PURE FUCKING STUPIDITY, was a $3000 Fender Custom Shop (I’m getting misty as I write this) Strat with a totally vintage mid 70’s Super Reverb amp…

Well, me saying “I need a new guitar and an amp” would be a rather scary thing to hear for a lot of people in her position. My girl? Not so much. We struck a compromise; I get a new, inexpensive rig, get myself back in to playing (just to be sure it doesn’t become a passing urge) and assuming that I get back in to it, THEN I go out and get the rig I want.

I now get to sit at home Tuesdays and Thursday nights and all day Saturday playing my Epiphone Dot Hollow body through a Line 6 Spider amp. Total cost? $500 after negotiating a bit…and for good measure, I bought her a new iPod.

And now she is encouraging me to band together with some of the musicians that will be attending our wedding to play something at the reception. She thinks it will be a blast, and she’s probably right.

“Your Love”, sadly, will not be on the play list. I mean, great though it may be…songs about cheating with a very young girl while your gf is out of town are verboten at weddings. I wonder how she’d feel about some Corey Hart?

If That Diamond Ring Don’t Shine…

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on March 1, 2007

When I proposed, I did it right. I got down on one knee and popped the question with a 1.9c antique diamond. It’s beautiful, let me tell you. It’s also impossible to miss. I mean, it’s damn near 2 c’s of “SEE ME” sparkle. Who can’t see it?

Apparently, men can’t see. Now, this isn’t a “stop hitting on my fiance” post. Really, that’s flattering and doesn’t bug me. Rather, this is an “are we men selectively blind” post. See, where ever she goes, women grab my girl’s hand and ooh and ahh over her rock. They love it. It’s a big “gather round and have a gander” party from the minute it hits the light.

With guys…not so much. This boggles my mind.

I ALWAYS notice rings, and I ALWAYS have. Even when I was single…if I was in a bar and there was a group of women me and the boys were chatting up, I made a mental note of who was and was not available based on the ring finger of their left hand. Remeber the “Bourne Identity” when Jason says that he knows where all the exits are and which guys in the room could be problems and how many steps it is back to the car and blah blah I’m a bad ass blah? That’s me with rings.

Turns out that I am in the minority. My fellow fellows, it seems, don’t really notice. Well, either that or the don’t give a damn…and I could care less, really. I ain’t here to judge. I’m just curious. But, not so long ago I had the chance to see this first hand. A group of us were out having a few and chatting up the group next to us, and I watched as my friend went after the very cute, rather sexy, very engaged brunette. When they left, I said “You do know that she’s engaged, right?”

His response; “How the fuck do you know?”

Because I’m Kreskin. That’s how. Oh, and she was wearing a ring that looks like it’s used to signal Batman when Gotham is in trouble. He never saw it. Never had a clue.

And the other side of the coin?

According to my girl, she doesn’t ever notice rings on men, and claims most women don’t either. I find this very, very hard to believe. Fiance is not exactly representative of the typical female perspective on…well…anytyhing, so it’s hard for me to take her word for it. But my straw poll of my estrogen enabled friends seems to fall in line with this…they just don’t notice.

Can this be?

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