I Now Pronounce You

When You Turn Off the Headphones

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on April 12, 2007

On the metro this morning I was listening to a woman who, I am realtively sure, was talking to herself. Either that or she had the smallest earpiece I have ever seen. Or not seen, as it was. At any rate, she was giving herself quite the talking to about the Lord and what he’s got in mind for her because…as she kept saying…

“God gots a PLAN FOR ME and he gots a PLAN FOR YOU, TOO!!!!”

This was the woman that you listen to while looking away, because as that Lord with a plan for you and me knows, you don’t make eye contact with a person like this. Under any circumstances. EVER. But while I was lookikng away I became aware of something in her voice that wasn’t exactly what I was pegging it as…

I was, in my mind, labelling every syllable she uttered as crazy. What I started to realize was that, crazy or not, this woman believed that the Lord has a plan for her. And for me. And for you, too. She wasn’t testifying because she was scared or alone or insane. Well, maybe a touch…

She was testifying because she has FAITH.

I don’t really have faith. Not like that. I believe in a very different god than she does. My god is the god of collective conscience. Of continuing energy. Of connection to my fellow man. But not of plans. Not my god. He doesn’t have a plan for me or you or her. I’m not sure he has a plan for anything. I’m not sure you can even call my god a “he”.

But I realized that her God came with a security blanket. And for a moment on the train this morning, I was jealous.

Jealous of a crazy woman.


11 Responses to 'When You Turn Off the Headphones'

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  1. Crazy is relative. Faith comes in all shapes and sizes for everybody. Maybe you just need a bigger blanket?

  2. Lisa said,

    I sort of see what you’re saying. I’d like to have faith and I don’t. But if I’d been on that metro? She’d have taken off her headphones and singled me out. The hot men in bars? Not falling over themselves to talk to me. The crazies on the metro? Doing anything they can to get my attention.

  3. webcowgirl said,

    I never wear my MP3 player on the metro. I’m always worried I’ll have the sound up too high and be bothering someone with what they probably think is lame music.

    Have you seen the Asian guy that gets on randomly with his Hymnal and sings?!
    About a week after I started riding I saw him and just knew he had a bomb attached to him somewhere. But he’s a pretty common sighting from what I hear.

  4. carrie m said,

    Holy crap I haven’t seen that asian guy in forever! I thought it was just an Ash Wednesday thing!

    INPY, I’m sure if you start talking to the Lord about your plans on the metro, you’d be just as crazy. πŸ˜‰

  5. Abe said,

    Yeah, but I bet at other times you relish the fact that your reality is a world in which your situation is solely a result of your actions.

    Fuck security blankets man, you should have better toys by now..

  6. Second what Lisa said about the “crazies.” It always seems like they go out of their way to sit near me on public transport (no matter what city it is: Chicago, San Fran, DC..). Maybe it’s because like attracts like? (crazy attracts crazy) πŸ˜€

    Or maybe it’s just because we don’t look as mean as other people, so they feel safer near us? God if I know.

    It is quite the image that you paint though. Esp. on DC metro, where it is complete silence (at least during working hrs).

    I’d be jealous of her being able to say whatever she wanted without caring what anyone thought. But not of her “faith.” Because you really don’t know what’s going on in that mind of hers. Remember the mother from “Carrie”? She had alot of “faith” too, but I somehow doubt you’d be jealous of her!

  7. Insanity is highly underrated.

    “We’re all mad here…”

  8. Photobug; maybe…

    Lisa; ain’t that the way? I’ve got the “oh god this person is going ot start talking to me” karma, too.

    Webcowgirl; Oh. My. GOD I forgot about that guy!!! He’s still out there? He’s like the angry black guy in Foggy Bottom/Farragut that walks around just SCREAMING. A DC legend.

    Carrie M; I just might…give me time.

    Abe; Hell yes. And toys? I’ve got the guitar. That’s the toy of the year for me.

    Lesser being of leaisure.; you make a compelling point! The mother from Carrie…yikes.

    Dagny; Juuuust a touch…and that’s not so bad, right? right? Hello?

  9. redhead said,

    I’m jealous too of people who think life is so simple. I wish I had that kind of faith. It would be comforting. But, it’s like once you lose that innocence, it’s like trying to unring a bell.

  10. sas said,

    Yeah. I think about this all the time. It must be such a relief to be able to relinquish this power to another being, higher power or otherwise.

    But then the world goes and reminds me that it is all up to me, over and over again.

  11. jess said,

    Kristin told me about your blog. It just so happens this post coincides with something that distracted me far too long this weekend, but in a mind-busting good way. Bill Moyers’ PBS program on ‘Faith and Reason.’ I’m an agnostic, but I’m still fascinated by questions of faith. Did you envy the Metro lady because she believes in something totally or because your views aren’t of an easily graspable guy with a beard and the power to judge us? It seems to me much harder to believe in the esoteric things you do hold as ‘god’ than her (I’m guessing) image….

    I think you’d be interested in these two interviews, but beware Atwoods’ nasally delivery, and be forewarned that Pema Chodron speaks for about an hour. Thankfully, there are transcripts:

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