I Now Pronounce You

Harder! Faster! Louder!

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on April 20, 2007

I listen to just about every type of music that there is…with a few exceptions. Most country and top 40 will make me cringe like Satan himself is about to hit me with a folding chair right in the mellon. (I hate it when that happens)

Because of this, and the fact that I play, I get asked all the time about my favorite bands and songs. This is damn near impossible for me. “Favorites”…are you kidding? You have to narrow it down. Favorite 60’s Motown? 80’s Pop? Favorite singer/songwriters? Blues guitar players? Jazz musicians? It’s just too hard for me to say “OK, THIS is my favorite.”

What usually shocks people though, is my deep and wide love of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal. Now, before you roll your eyes let’s understand a few things here…

First, if you can’t get that Cream was an original Hard Rock band, you aren’t going to get why I love what I love.

Second, if you don’t dig the fact that Iron Maiden and Yes have more in common than their country of origin, we can’t rock out together. (Big hint…it’s the basslines and the classical music influence)

And lastly, if you don’t know that some of the most jaw dropping hard core musicians you will ever see play balls out rawk…well then you just don’t know.

Now, I am not talking about the hair metal bands of the 80’s…although I dig SOME of them, too, sometimes. Slow n’ Easy by Whitesnake? Amazing. Here I Go Again by Whitesnake? I just threw up in my mouth a little. I’m talking about the truth…the real ones…that ones that aren’t interested so much in your girlfriend…but ARE interested in the fact that you are standing betwixt them and the bar. AC/DC with Bon Scott…If You Want Blood….dear GOD if that doesn’t get your heart pumping I don’t know what will. Iron Maiden…TOOL…Judas Priest…Fucking Motorhead!

This stuff is designed to hit you hard right where you feel it. It’s not foreplay or making love…it’s fucking.

Hair pulling.

Back straining.


Up against the wall.



It doesn’t suffer subtelty and it will not abide by decibel levels. It’s going to assault you…and sometimes I just DIG that. Sometimes you just NEED that. The blasting of a wall of Marshall amps that are turned up to 11. Stranglehold by Nugent…that kind of power. Have you ever seen Rockstar (based on the story of Judas Priest right down to the gay lead singer…and Rob Halford will KICK. YOUR. ASS.) The scene where they are in the dance club and he gets dosed? That’s Stranglehold…and if that song didn’t make you want to GRAB someone and pop some seams then we don’t park our cars in the same garage.

Of late I’ve been listening to a lot of the Police. Which I love. And some Duncan Shiek. And wallowing a bit…but the urge to hear 46&2 (TOOL) has started coursing through me. The want of a blistering sweetjesushowdoyougetthatnoteoutofyourguitar solo…the jaw clenching NEED to hear someone screaming about why it’s all so fucking wrong or all so god damned good or whatever…the boot stomping of So What by Ministry…the attack of Master of Puppets…the Rage of Rage Against the Machine…

I am routinely the guy at the music store with a Jackson Browne CD in one hand and a Sevendust CD in the other. And I can go back and forth between them pretty quickly. Sometimes you just want to hear Tender is the Night…and sometimes you want to hear that no nights are EVER tender. Sevendust fills that role pretty perfectly for me.

Yeah..I’m in that headspace…and if you’ve got a better soundtrack for it, I want to hear it.


12 Responses to 'Harder! Faster! Louder!'

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  1. Martin said,

    Absolutely! Metal was the soundtrack of suburbia for the last thirty years–it was the voice of every bored kid who wanted to do more than hang out at the Circle K on Friday night. It was guns, guts, glory, god, and most of all, GIRLS, and I loved every fucking second of it.

    I realize I’m a heretic for preferring Brian Johnson to Bon Scott, but “Back In Black” is as close as anyone has ever come to hard rock perfection this side of Ali Larter after a personal-training session. πŸ™‚

  2. Best country song ever = “White Trash Wedding” (Dixie Chicks)

    Other than that, I have to agree.

    “Circle K on Friday night” haha

  3. Martin; That is TOTAL HERESY!!! But for the Ali Larter and the Circle K call, I’m gonna forgive and say “to each their own” …butBonkicksBrian’sassanydayoftheweek…

    Lesserbeingofleisure; Don’t know that song, but I’m glad to hear you agree…I’m wondering if the Metal fans will be coming out of the woodwork on this one…

  4. carrie m said,

    I’m so all about the hair metal, so go ahead and get your yellin’ out on me now!! Maybe I’ll sing some Poison or something at next week’s karaoke. And dedicate it to you. ha!

  5. Jo said,

    You and Bergle were made for each other. Really. You have to meet. You’ll fall in love.

    He filled my ipod with Tool and Mastodon…

    As much of a singer as I am, I’ve gotten to love some of the hard stuff. I really love “Ace of Spades”.


    Jo; I told you, it’s all gonna happen. Bergle and I will start the new wave of American Metal. Good for him for filling up that iPod. I just got the new Sony MP3 player and started off all softy and poppy…and am now downloading Maiden and Tool and all kinds of other GRRRRRRRRRR music.

    Ace of Spades. You bad ass.

  7. Martin said,

    Dude, don’t hate on the man with the flat hat. “You Shook Me All Night Long” was of big benefit in removing me of the burden of virginity. πŸ˜‰

    I’ve been actually listening to a lot of my old metal lately–Anthrax, Armored Saint, Priest, etc., and I’m amazed at how well it holds up. Cheesy and silly, but it’s got more passion to it than any 10,000 of these pathetic emobag bands whining about how hard it is to be white and have chicks not dig you.

    Give me apocalyptic zombie invasions and power chords any day.

  8. Martin; ARMORED SAINT!!! Hell YES. remember ACCEPT?!?!? God that stuff is so GOOD!!! And I would put the anger, angst, and passion against damn near anything that is designed to lash out (Rap? PLEASE) being written today. HELL YES it holds up. Pop in “the Trooper”…

    UH. MAZE. ING.

    I will grade on a curve b/c it got you laid. But Bon Scott is the man where I come from.

  9. Redhead said,

    Did you know that Queen sites Yes as an early influence? That’s why Seven Seas of Rhye sounds like it does.

    Love Rage Against the Machine while working out — “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me”

    But for shear ear-bleeding, there is Metallica. I saw them once. Biggest. Headache. Ever. For. Days.

  10. Ah Cream! Sunshine of My Love was my freshman year (of college, no less) anthem…

  11. Erica said,

    Hard pumping music as it relates to fuckin and you don’t include the most obvious AC/DC, “Givin the Dog a Bone”?? Oh, and “Thunderstruck”?? A soundtrack for fuckin if there ever was one

  12. Emily said,

    I’m going to see TOOL in Vegas on Friday in a 1000 person venue, before driving to Palm Springs to see Rage Against the Machine at the Coachella Festival. It is going to be the weekend of incredible musicians and totally release. I’m with you!

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