Burn Baby Burn
And so in a trap of Christian rock and alcohol I catch myself posting and thinking…
I’ve been thinkin maybe I’ve been partly cloudy, maybe I’m the chance of rain
Maybe I’m overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain
Maybe I’m drunk but suddenly I think that I get why she left…and it sucks but it’s so RIGHT THERE. She was right. We weren’tsupposed to be a couple. We were supposed to be friends. And how did I miss that? I was out tonight and last night too with the coolest people you could write about (and nary a picketer no matter what some people may have hallucinated) and thinikng WOW…
Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
And there I am…in the midst of this…and hearing these people tell me their stories…and they have STORIES…and I start to get it. Mine is nothing special..and WHY? Because this is LIFE. We ALL make the wrong call and we do it SO WELL..and so EASILY. And we have to FUCKING FIGHT OUR WAY back to the right path or die on the vine of futility. And then I think what am I fighting over?
Blame it on what you’ve been through
Blame it on what you’re into
Blame it on your religions
Blame it on politicians
And I start to see..and fuck you and your criteria…she was RIGHT. We are friends. And
She called it and maybe THAT’s what hurts; that I was wrong, Is my ego in the way? Am I in the way of what she was right about? Am I a sulking child? Do I want to lash out against myself and not her for what i was wrong about and she got before me? Could that be where my angst lives?
Did I want her to save me from, well…
What did i do to get so lost? When did I decide to hold someone so young and limited up to a standard that I could have never, EVER have held at her age? How did I say “let it ride” on a sucker bet? Aren’t I smarter than that? Shouldn’t I get that you don’t blame the long shot for not being more than well…
A long shot.
When did the man that gets the game so well so suddenly forget the rules?
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
When did I decide that the safe bet doesn’t apply to me? When did I figure out that the long shot is the safe bet and how did I think that it’s all covered no matter the odds? How is it that the man that NEVER wanted this find the woman that never wanted it either and say MATRIMONY…
And now I’m shocked…..
Isn’t there something wrong with that?
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Yes, I can hold her accountable for saying “it’s time to move forward” and saying “Love Me or Leave Me”…that is hers. But I still came up with the answer and my answer was “Love You” Not leave you. And then it came…
She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on.
And I’m stunned.
She asked me once what I missed most about boxing or playing live with my bands or being on the court…….and I said the dialed in feeling of being locked in to the moment. That if there were wars happening or people dying or sacrifices being made in the pursuit of perfection that I didn’t know at that moment…
And although I agree in all nail spitting anger…
I wish I could have given her that feeling just once.