I Now Pronounce You

“Seven Schools in Seven States and the Only Thing Different is My Locker Combination” -or- The Back to School Blogger Happy Hour

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on September 4, 2007


(Photo Creds to Kathryn On)

As a kid I moved around quite a bit and consequently I’ve always been able to relate to the “Christian-Slater-as-JD-quote” listed in the title of this post. I started school in Connecticut at North-East Elementary, where Mr. Hardicker would actually bang his hands on your desk if you were sipping Scotch out of your Muppet Show Thermos…

I alway felt that was a bit extreme myself.

I went to schools in Massachusetts and Vermont after Connecticut, and they were all basically the same, really. I mean, kids are kids. There’s the smart kid and the funny kid, the geeky kid and the class cutie. But on the first day of school you had a chance to reinvent yourself with some cool kicks (It was Zips in elementary school Air Jordans after that) and some sweet bling.(Sweet Bling = Trapper Keepers and cool book bags)

For example, there was a Dukes of Hazard backpack that I recall was the bomb. I got several “trade ya’s” offers for that one…

Anyhow, the first day of school was all about anxiety and reconnection. The school was waxed and washed and ready for the little hooligans it had spat out just a few short months ago. For us kids of course, that long summer was all about getting the last school year’s pain out of our heads and getting ready to come back a whole school year older!

As a sidenote:

The one year that I spent in Sacred Heart Catholic School for Wayward Boys Who Want to be Criminal Masterminds was completely different than all these other memories. Yes, I was indeed a Catholic School Boy. For one year. One loooong, painful year. And, if I may be so bold as to offer advice to young parents out there;

If your child has never been confirmed…never done the CCD “thing”…doesn’t know that the wafer of our lord is NOT called a “cracker”…well, you can’t be surprised when he makes statements to the effect of “Jesus’ mama was a whore” b/c he didn’t realize that there were, in fact, TWO Mary’s of prominence in the bible, thus getting in to “HOLY-MARY-MOTHER-OF-GOD” trouble.

Just sayin’.

Moving right along…

I loved the first day of school. It was all about wearing the new clothes (that your mom would freak the fuck out over if you got ’em dirty.) and using that new Trapper Keeper. The pecking order of the bus alone was good for probably $50K in therapy. That’s not even factoring in the cafeteria seating paranoia…but man I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I loved every second of it. Well, actually, I loved it after elementary school ended and high school started. High school was for some reason much, much easier for me..

I digress.

This time of year is when kids are being kids more than ever. Holding up liquor stores and huffing glue…we love the little bastards and what going back to school brings out of them. Think about it…it’s not the summer when you’re most kid-like. It’s in school! Hallway pranks and watching out for the “older kids” and whatever vague concept of hazing you had in your head. School was where you found your Winnie Cooper and your gang of friends that made all that insecurity easier to handle. School was the place where you staked your claim to who you were going to be.

If it were the other way, you’d remember the first day of summer far more clearly than the first day of school…and who can say that’s really the case?

To commemorate this milestone in our lives and get really, really friggin’ drunk, please join us at the Madhatter for drinks, wedgies, and nostalgia.

With you as always are your hosts;



Virgle Kent

And well…ME.

As well as a super fantastic new host; Just Going With It

AND, as if that’s not enough…your UBER COOL SPECIAL GUEST HOST;

DC Cookie

Bring whatever you got for pics…that means, for example, your old lunch box. Or, another good example might be your school girl uniform. Did I mention that plaid makes me buy SC&L’s? Oh hell yes.

Get there early and you might even get to see VK and I take Arjewtino’s lunch money.


18 Responses to '“Seven Schools in Seven States and the Only Thing Different is My Locker Combination” -or- The Back to School Blogger Happy Hour'

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  1. Jessica said,

    I can promise only 2 things. A) I will be there before midnight. B) we will do shot(s).

  2. gn said,

    Trees will leaned on. Many trees.

  3. […] I Now Pronounce You […]

  4. Jessica; I’m totally looking forward to it.

    gn; I think you meant trees will be leaned on…good to see you’re starting early. And, btw, the skirt and socks…you all but promised.

  5. KassyK said,

    And finally, we will get to actually CHAT at one of these things. 🙂

  6. Bruce said,

    I’ll try to make it.

  7. Arjewtino said,

    Hah, trick’s on you! I don’t even HAVE any lunch money!

  8. KassyK; HooRAY!

    Bruce; The Hatter is a baseball bar and the Yankees/KC game WILL be on.

    AJT; do I even have to make the obligatory joke about you saying you’ve got no money?

  9. jess said,

    I remember being all too proud of my Star Wars lunchbox.
    And that Mauricio Cifuentes called me fatty 🙂

  10. The Home-and-Home gets closer. Does that make this spring (fall?) training for you guys?

  11. Virgle Kent said,


    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, best comment ever!


    Is taking Arjew’s lunch money a hate crime? Cause yah know, I just want to make sure.

    Not cause he’s Jewish but the gay thing

  12. Christie said,

    since my roommate (sarahleigh) is on vacation, I will answer for the both of us. It’s times like these we wish we didn’t live in CA. (especially me though because I am a teacher, and I could already use a drink!)

  13. tracylord said,

    INPY – be glad you went to all boys catholic school after the 60s when a bathing suit was not required, nor allowed, for swim class.

    i liked 3rd grade better than high school when “going with” a girl or boy meant that a boy asked a girl to “go” with him and that was it. you didn’t have to make any effort whatsoever after that point.

  14. suicide_blond said,

    i have a soooper hot schoolgirl outfit…. but alas…im in freaking TEXAS…so have a drink..or four… for me..

  15. Lisa said,

    Sad sad sad. I’ll be out of town and miss yet another one. But at least I’ll be in Chicago, which I love! Glad we got to catch up a bit at the unoffical one.

  16. Miss B said,

    I’m finally in town at the right time to actually show up at one of these. Can’t wait to see what I’ve been missing! I look forward to meeting everyone.

  17. […] on that note, you should come to our Happy Hour tonight. Who knows, you might just get […]

  18. […] yes, Friday night there was indeed a Happy Hour. I was there. So was Elvis. I know this because I saw him…and that’s about all you need […]

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