I Now Pronounce You


Blasphemy, Bondage, and Banana Daiquiris

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on September 6, 2007

Now that we’ve established that we are all little pieces of the Universe, and that “right” and “wrong” are really nothing more than roadblocks to eternity, let’s take the next logical step in the conversation regarding how to be good, spiritual beings.

Bondage.

That’s right, Bondage.

Tie me up, tie me down.

How, you are asking, is this part of the path? Well, if there is no “right” or “wrong”, and the judgements we attach to such things are nothing more than our ego standing in the middle of the path to true enlightenment…

AND

We are really supposed to experience as much as possible during our tenure here on Earth, well…isn’t it obvious that Kink should not only have to label of “taboo” removed, but that it should be embraced? Shouldn’t the old “I give you a rub, you give me a tug then we have missionary sex” idea be reviled as being anti-enlightened? As going against what’s natural? As being void of spirituality?

You might think that I’m kidding here. You could not be more wrong.

I can’t tell you how many relationships that I know of have failed for the same reason; dead sex life. I mean, you’ve alllll been there. Raise your hands if you’ve ever wanted something but were afraid to ask for it…come on…that’s what I thought. And what did you do about it? Probably at the time…nuttin’.

Why the hell not?! I’ll tell you why, because sex (and especially kinky sex) becomes the biggest taboo in our lives simply because of the nature of the label we attach to it. It’s dirty. It will define you beyond this moment. Nice girls don’t do this and men in monogamous relationships shouldn’t want it.

Fuck. That.

For those very reasons, I think kink is a medium through which we can all explore our universal connection. I’m crackin’ up as I write this, but I kid you not I mean it. (And it’s OK to laugh a bit while you’re talkin’ sex. I mean, really…it’s supposed to be fun…you knew that, right?)

Today I’m going to talk about Bondage because it taps in to all of this and is an easy starting point with out getting in to anything…you know, like…too freaky for the average bear. See, like it or not, there are power dynamics at play in your realtionships. Deny them and you will fight about them in ways you can’t dream. Embrace them, and even play with them in some way and you might be shocked at how much of a difference it makes in your day to day life. For real.

And, to keep this all tied together in a bow and to show you that I’m not just diving in to this all willy nilly; there is a good reason that everything must be experienced, and it’s more than just a check list in the cosmos. Everytime you push yourself out in to the void, or someone else pushes the collective consciousness out in to the void, it changes you and it changes us all. It shows you the world from a different, deeper perspective. Now, you may not want to have your perspective changed, but really, that’s just your ego and fear of change talking.

Now get the rope and keep that in mind cuz here we go…

Men have a natural tendency towards being dominant. It’s a fact. This does not mean that we haven’t the ability to be submissive. We do. It just isn’t our natural headspace. Women conversly have a natural tendency towards being submissive. This is not an insult, and this is not a sexist statement of superiority…remember, if you will, that those labels of good and bad aren’t applying here and stick with me. (HANG IN THERE SISTER!) So, if submissive isn’t lesser and dominance isn’t more…if it’s just two sides of the same coin… you see what I’m saying? It isn’t weak to be submissive. If you think it is, try it. Just like it isn’t strong to be dominant. Sometimes it’s a cop out and a fear based reaction. Having said that;

Bondage is the simplest way possible to play with those dynamics of dominance and submission (D/s) without going in to anything so freaky that you’ll find yourself feeling like you’re in a German fuck film. It’s a wildly effective way to tap in to those aspects of your self and to see the world from a whole new lense.

The new hand position for prayer.

Don’t believe me? If you’ve never done this, as you’re reading you are thinking about this and picturing a man tying up a woman. And yeah, that’s 1/2 of it…but the other half is actually a far more enlightening experience for the average man AND average woman.

When a man ties up a woman, he’s keyed in to the natural state of his being. He is in control, completely, and she has submitted to him completely. That’s heady stuff, and the feeling of this in such an unfettered way will give you both new insights in to your nature I kid you not and swear to God it’s true.

By the way; have a safe word (Personlly I think “Banana Daiquiri” is a good one) so that you can stop if you get like, really freaked out.

Now, having played with this piece of the equation…

Switch.

Men; want to see your dominance in a completely differentent light? Surrender it. Want to gain a new respect for the strength of submission? Give it a whirl. Women, ditto. Take control. See if you like the feeling…if it comes naturally to you…

For many of you it will. For most of you it won’t. That goes by the numbers forvboth sides and again is not an indictment. And that isn’t the point anyhow. What is the point is that what you’ve done is to dive in to the void and experience something new by tapping in to the essence of your self. You’ve opened yourself up and learned something new, and this should effect the way you see all kinds of things around you. You reached out to the Universe and the Universe has reached back in to you.

If you take what I wrote yesterday in to account, and apply it to this…well…you kinda just prayed and had great sex all at the same time.

Isn’t that friggin’ cool?!

So you know what you have to do now, right? Go home and try it out, and then send me a comment. Tell me all about what you think of this new way to reach out to God. Pictures are welcome, by the way. Oh, and don’t use your good ties to do this…nothing ruins ’em faster than being used to bind someone to the headboard.

Enjoy your banana daiquiri.

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18 Responses to 'Blasphemy, Bondage, and Banana Daiquiris'

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  1. kate.d. said,

    hey. i’m all for encouraging people to think outside the box (no pun intended) in terms of sex – we’ve gotta kick this collective puritanical habit we’ve got. however…

    Men have a natural tendency towards being dominant. It’s a fact…Women conversly have a natural tendency towards being submissive.

    it’s a “fact”? really? i’d like to hear more about how you’ve ascertained this huge generalization as fact. i’m not being snarky – ok, not totally – because i just have a hard time swallowing (oh, too many bad puns here) that one whole.


  2. kate.d; First, excellent pun. I laughed out loud. Second, really, just do a google search and see how many hits you find. To deny that it’s a tendency at LEAST? I don’t get that. I can see a debate at nature v. nurture, but to deny it’s even there I don’t get. But I’ll tell you what…;put on a pretty dress, Kitten, and we can discuss it.

    KIDDING…juuuust kidding.

  3. Bruce said,

    Nice work today. I’m sorry to say that I will have to miss the happy hour tomorrow. There is a poker tournament in Atlantic City that requires my presence.

  4. roissy said,

    two words: ice pick.

  5. gn said,

    This was you wasn’t it?


  6. Bruce; Sorry to hear that…we’ll have to meet up for a Yankees playoff game.

    Roissy; Pessimist.

    gn; Ill never tell.

  7. Tracy said,

    you suck on so many levels.

  8. skip said,

    I was recently introduced to the dom/sub world by a chick, and I had never experienced anything more thrilling than her submissiveness. It was absolutely outstanding.

    Unfortunately, she’s crazy, but that’s a story for another time.

    After the relationship ended, I hooked up with a previous girlfriend. Turns out she’s into it also… so I was able to try both sides of the equation. It was a -very- interesting experience.

  9. Bruce said,

    Sounds like a plan

  10. kate.d. said,

    oh i don’t deny that it’s a tendency – i just look askance at any claims that it’s entirely “natural.” i think there’s a big old helping of “nurture” (if one calls things like rigid gender roles and the porn industry “nurturing,” right?) involved, and it’s a little dangerous to elide that.

    thas all. now please, soldier on with the bondage talk!

  11. A said,

    Oh yes please!

    I don’t know about any other women (this isn’t generally something I discuss with my friends) but I am most certainly naturally submissive. Learning about orgasms and learning that I was submissive happened at about the same time.

    I generally have no problem suggesting that those bedposts might be put to more interesting use. I think the Internet helps that because it helped show me that these ideas aren’t limited to my crazy mind–other “normal” women have thought of the exact same thing.

    Oh, and I still think I’m a nice girl.


  12. Shut up? 🙂

  13. suicide_blond said,

    http://www.bondagetape.com

    xoxo


  14. Tracy; If I had a dollar for every woman that told me that…

    Skip; Crazy = great sex, bad relationship.

    A; I dont’ think being in to kink has anything to do with whether you’re naughty or nice. But why is it that it’s not something you talk about with your friends?

    DT; Never!

    Suicide Blonde; Like I don’t know about this….


  15. […] activity.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that – it’s just not my cup of daquiri […]

  16. College Grad said,

    You’ve definitely have to try both sides of the coin. It’s good to talk about stuff too. You never know what the other person is into until you talk about it. Makes life much more fun I think.

  17. A said,

    “Nice girls don’t do this and men in monogamous relationships shouldn’t want it.

    Fuck. That.”

    I was saying that not all girls that think of themselves as nice are uncomfortable with bondage.

    My friends and I rarely talk about sex. Not sure why

  18. anonymous said,

    This is a great post, and you make some really good points.

    Sort of related article here (courtesy Dan Savage), about Madonna and Guy Ritchie: http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/2377080/21617773

    Madonna and Ritchie have been together since 1999—that’s eight years, an eternity in celebrity years. I hope what I’m about to type isn’t the kiss of death, but here goes: Madonna and Ritchie are still together after eight years and if they’re still in love, well, they’re clearly doing something right. And part of what they may be doing right—sorry to play into gossiping about celebs here, Greg and Amiira—is mixing it up in the sack, experimenting, playing, and growing sexually.


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