I Now Pronounce You

Southwest; Cheap Flights, Open Seating, and Women in Burqas

Posted in Uncategorized by inowpronounceyou on September 7, 2007

Ummm…this is too revealing, how…exactly?

23 year old Kyla Ebbert was almost removed from a Southwest Airlines flight recently, because a fellow passenger complained that her outfit (pictured above) was “too revealing”. The flight attendant actually removed her, lectured her about her clothes, and asked that she go home and change. Ebbert, who was only going to be going to Tucson (where it’s hot as hell and this is considered pretty much the norm) for a few hours told them “no” and eventually, was allowed back on the plane.

Here’s my beef with this…

What the fuck kind of wishy washy corporate stance is it to cater to the whining of every customer? Furthermore, it’s not like she’s nekkid or even showing so much cleavage that she can be deemed, in any way, offensive to the average person. Yet, Southwest’s employees decided that it was better to err on the side of caution and cater to conservative cry baby calls of a clearly delusional man or blatantly jealous woman. Why?

I’ll tell you why; because we’ve become so friggin’ uptight about sexuality round these parts that we can’t even handle the notion that something might be too suggestive and we could get called out on it. What the fuck is happening here? I god damn guarantee you if she’d been wearing a “Kill ’em All” shirt no one would have said a friggin’ thing. Violence being red blooded American good fun…but sex? Lord no. FUCK no. Not even the suggestion of it can go unpunished.

I don’t get, nor do I like, this Christian Coalition and Neocon inspired uptightening of America*. I don’t dig guns and Nascar and the phrase “family values”. I don’t care all that much for people deciding on standards based on nothing more than what works for them. And I damn sure am not in favor of telling women like Kyla Ebbert that her legs and breasts are offensive. Hell no, I’m not telling her to get off the plane. I look for that woman on the plane to sit next to…if for no other reason than if the plane goes down my final view will rock.

With all of the things in the world to find offensive…all the violence, the war, the hatred, the mysoginy, the fear, the intolerance…with all of that to rally against, if you’re choosing to focus on this woman’s body or sex in general then I think there’s something fundamentally wrong with YOU. Really, I do. It’s that level of repression that leads to people doing crazy, scary shit and furthermore that allows them to look at violence and shrug their shoulders.

You know what you need to do, Mr/s I-Find-Kyla-Ebbert-Offensive?

You need to get laid.

And on that note, you should come to our Happy Hour tonight. Who knows, you might just get lucky.

*The Uptightening of America has been copyrighted by me, yo.


11 Responses to 'Southwest; Cheap Flights, Open Seating, and Women in Burqas'

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  1. Bruce said,

    I saw this on the news this morning. I completely agree with you. No doubt some uptight neo-con, anus sniffing, dick lacking, ball-les, saggy titted, washed up, hasn’t been laid since he visited Neverland Ranch, asshole was moderatly offended and needed to start some shit to get some attention in his / her meaningless life.*

    Hell, when I am King women like her wearing the type of outfit she had on will be required.

    *This rant and rave was brought to you by the letters H, W, and R…..because hot women rule.

  2. Bruce said,

    Ok, maybe that was a bit over the top, but these type of people really piss me the fuck off.

  3. Virgle Kent said,


    I’ve never seen you this fired up before; who knew all it took was a big breasted blonde to awaken the sleepy giant that is you. Wow!

    Based on this and your last post, your new found sense of sexual freedom. You must be getting some really great sex lately. You’re letting your freak flag fly. Good for you, unless your experimenting with other guys, then please, don’t touch me.

  4. Bruce; I don’t think that was over the top…I think you nailed it.

    VK; You know, it didn’t really occur to me that I was writing about sex 2 days in a row. Then againl, it’s odd that I don’t write about it more!

  5. sunchaser said,

    This is just so dumb, words can’t express.

    What’s the dumbest is that they’re getting a lawsuit now, instead of the forgiveness that would have come with an apology.

    With such examples of smart management in action, is this a good time for traders to be short selling LUV? 🙂

  6. Not a fashion queen said,

    I am curious if she really had on the undershirt while on the plane. I think there is more to this story than what the media has presented.

  7. tracylord said,

    Please keep these types of posts coming (did I spell that right?) I need to get laid.

  8. Sarah G said,

    I totally agree with you. This girl looks fine, no cleavage, etc. The airline and attendant were totally out of line. Love you post!!!

  9. Jay Gatsby said,

    Coming a bit late to this thread, but honestly, since when have the airlines been the Nazi SS of tasteful clothing? If something is legal to wear in public, then the airlines need to STFU. Airlines are “common carriers”, not snotty restaurants that require a jacket before they’ll let you buy their overpriced food and drinks. Southwest simply wants to preserve its fucking Disneyland-esque image.

  10. startingtoday said,

    This was in the Express this morning.

    Aren’t there other things for the airlines to worry about? The fact that everytime I fly (usually Southwest) some guy feels the need to give me his business card in hopes that he’ll become a member of the “Mile High Club” or trying to buy me a drink in the hopes of taking me home after the flight is also sexually suggestive, but I don’t see the flight attendant lecturing him on hitting on women.

    Why do they call it the “Mile High Club.” Wouldn’t it be more like the ‘5.7 Mile High Club?’ God I am such a dork. It’s a wonder they try to hit me up on the plane at all.

  11. startingtoday said,

    So I just reread my comment. And I don’t think it’s all that clear. (Call it the mid-afternoon I’ve had like three coffees in the past hour excuse.) My point is it seems like they have better things to do than crucify her over her little mini skirt. She wasn’t even showing any cleavage.

    Besides, maybe if they let her on the plane, the guy handing out his business card and asking me to do him in the airplane bathroom wouldn’t be sitting next to me. He’s be sitting next to her. Win-Win situation for everyone.

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