“Dr. Mengele? INPY to See You”
If there’s something I’m not a fan of, it’s doctors. In fact, I outright hate them and I have good reason. From knee problems to my childhood asthma, it’s never been exactly “oooh I get a lollipop” time when I have to go see a doc. Of course, then this happened and suddenly I’ve been having to go every few weeks for checkups and follow ups and blah blah blah…
…and all was going smoothly until some new symptoms popped up and I’m right back in to the mix of things which totally friggin’ sucks. What I hate the most is, really, the guesswork. Break something and it’s cut and dried. Get whacked with something internal, though, and God help you. I swear, if your mechanic approached your car like your doctor approached your body you’d call the BBB. Seriously.
The first mistake my Doc made this time was to say “Well, INPY, it could be something as simple as “this”, or it could be (insert terrifying medical condition here)” Ummm, why the fuck would you say it like that? Have you gone mad? Been struck daft? How about just saying “let’s run some tests” or “I’m going to send you to another Dr.”…not, “let’s put you down, Trigger, cuz clearly, you’re fucked”.
And, how come this didn’t get caught the first friggin’ time ’round the funhouse?
Then he says “you could just have a cold, too, or a low level infection of some sort…I’m going to put you on the same dosage of antibiotics we give people exposed to Anthrax.”
Ummm…whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?!?! It’s like you’re trying to freak me out, and I don’t get freaked out! But you Sir? You are freakin’ me out!
Then I think he got the message that I was gettin’ a little uneasy…maybe it was the fact that I was trying to open his office window and jump? Either way, he gave me the “relax…99% of the time this is absolutely nothing” line…which is odd to me, because it always seems to be either “50-50” or “99% of the time”. Not comforting, really. But he referred me to, you guessed it, another doctor who will tell me, hopefully, that I am firmly in the 99%, or at least the good 50%. Otherwise, it’s gonna get wierd, god damnit.