The One You Don’t See Coming

My trainer used to say “Be diligent…keep your hands up no matter how in control you are. It’s the punch you don’t see coming that kills you”. Indeed.

I got the punch I didn’t see coming.

“This isn’t working for me” came out of nowhere. It was a clean, head snapping shot that I am still a bit woozy from. Some St Patrick’s Day.

“When you DO get hit, you gotta focus. If you overreact, you’re going to tense up and leave yourself wide open. You’ve got to realize that you’re vulnerable and you’ve got to HOLD ON.”

Get your bruised ego out of the way. You’re going to want to scream. You’re going to want to demand answers. That’s not going to help…it’s going to make it worse. So you talk…you ask questions. “Is this cold feet?” “Did I do something wrong?” And the OHGODPLEASEDON’TLETITBE…”Is there someone else?” (Answer key; I don’t know, no, and no)

I hear everything that she’s saying, and it’s not so different from some of the things I’ve talked about. Some of it is new…

“I’m 24, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re my best friend, but I don’t know if that’s enough”

I listen. I don’t have answers. I really don’t have questions after a certain point.

“Sometimes it’s better to take a knee, clear your head, and get up again. Catch your breath, focus your eyes on something, and breathe deep. It’s better to go down and get up than it is to start throwing punches wildly, lose focus, overswing, and go down for the count.”

I tell her that I don’t want to lose her, and that whatever it takes I’m willing to do…if that means put the wedding on hold, so be it. Better to go down and get up. The only thing that I say is off the table is splitting up and trying to work it out apart. I don’t even know where that came from. But it came. I won’t separate after 3 years to try and get back to a point where we try again. We already did that, and I guess my thinking is if we’re going to get married, then we should learn to fix these things together. Because we will have bad days…problems…issues in our life. We can’t just cut and run and separate every time we do.

I tell her I love her, that she’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and that we’ll figure this out one way or the other and nothing will change what she means to me. She wants time, and I agree. We aren’t breaking up or splitting up, but we aren’t exactly in a good place.

We agree to give each other some space for the night and talk in the morning.

Of course, it’s St Patrick’s Day…and when all you want is to have a quiet corner to nurse a drink that you shouldn’t have…this is the wrong day.

I get to put my money where my mouth is now…no one said it would be easy.